A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:4 years ago I met this guy who I really liked, sadly we lost contact and even though I use to think about him loads i accepted it wasn't meant to be. 3 months ago I had a friend request from him on Facebook, I accepted and we got chatting. I went to visit him on his army camp which was the scariest thing ever but once I got there it was perfect, so comfortable and hadn't felt like it had been 4 years since we saw eachother. I started to develop feelings again but held these back til we was having a conversation about relationships one day, he said he was fed up with all these mad relationships he has had and that he wants to settle down with the one....which was me. I was shocked and after great thought I decided to give the relationship a go, everything was perfect, we were both so happy and even discusse moving out together, marriage and all that. He had been on exercise and I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks yet we still spoke every day. Finally when I got to see him everything was still perfect but then he got a text from a ex and everything changed. The text said that she had gone for a scan and the baby was fine (she had previously told him he wasn't pregnant) cue me going home and not talking to him for a few days, i tried calling and nothing. When I left he told me the last thing we will do is break up. That was the last thing he wanted. 5 days later i get a text saying he is sorry there's just no way he can be In a relationship with all this stuff going on from his previous relationship and that his head is messed up. He is off to Afghanistan for 8 months in 2 weeks and I still haven't spoke to him. He has told my friends that his feelings for me were genuine but he just started to lose them. I am not sure if I should try and make contact. I know I need to give him time, we have all the time as this is probably a lot to deal with but is there the slightest chance that when he has had time he will contact me/ want to get back with me? I miss him so much, we was pretty much perfect and I know everyone thinks that but we use to joke how scary it was that we was so similar. My head is confused and i have no clue what to do
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 As much as it hurt, I think he is doing the right thing in ending it with you before you two get too serious. He DOES need to sort out the whole baby/babymama drama first. And he DOES need to focus on his missions when deployed.
You really (and I speak from experience) don't want to get into a relationship where there are SO many unresolved issues.
I would step back from this. If he contacts you, keep it to a friends level for now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Thank you for your replies! I know I do need to let go, when I got with him I accepted the fact that he was going to be a dad and stood by him, then when his ex told him she lost the baby we both started to get on with our lives. Then fast forward a couple months and she is still pregnant? Surely messed with his head. I think we did rush into it all, I think with the whole coming back into my life I was blindsided into thinking that it was fate this happened! It's a shame coz I do still love him, I use to think about him all the time over the past 4 years as he said he did the same regarding me, it's probably not the best idea to get involved with a man who's going to become a dad, however much it hurts, it's time to forget
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
 The story doesn't hold out much hope for a happy ending. At the very least, he has an ex with whom he has a child.
The falling deeply madly in love in just a few months after leaving the ex, sounds to me like you were a rebound, sorry. If she's still pregnant and having scans then he had sex with her less than 9 months ago, and unprotected sex at that.
I would chalk this up to a missed opportunity 4 years ago, and that his choices and career are leading him off on a different life path.
At least you had a chance to spend time with him, good news. Bad news is that he has a lot of stuff on his plate and doesn't have room for you right now. It happens, it's sad and upsetting but with time, you will recover.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I'm really sorry this has happened to you. A very similar thing recently happened to me. After a number of really bad relationships, I met a wonderful man and we started dating. It was going really well, we liked each other so much, and then all of a sudden I didn't hear from him. When I rang him he told me his ex was pregnant. I felt at the beginning like I could support him through it, but he was distant and umming and ahhing, saying he didn't want to lose me but was really confused about everything. After two months of this (which was torture for me) I had to accept that he was in no position to have a relationship with me and so I broke it off with him. Gutted, but I think it was necessary. I don't want to start a new relationship with a guy who's about to become a father to someone else's child. I'm really sorry but I think you have to let him go. I'm sure he cares about you deeply but life has got in the way. A massive hug to you, and be kind to yourself.
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