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anonymous
writes: PLEASE help! This is a very complicated, frustrating, and confusing situation. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.What I want to know is, is there still hope for me and my love?We have been together for a year. The first nine months or so were wonderful, we spent almost every day together. Then, he had to go away, and we made the best of a long distance relationship. He proposed and we planned to marry in October, after which, I was to go live with him.Things began to turn sour and we fought a lot. Then I found out he had signed up for an online dating service, which he had done twice before during our relationship (that I know of). I was hurt and angry and called the wedding off. My whole family pretty much hated him at that point.After some time apart, I realized what went wrong and took him back. My family still hated him, though, and the wedding plans were still in the trash. I was frustrated and confused about what to do.Then, a little while ago, I went to a party and met a guy. We were practically joined at the hip the entire night. We kissed, a few times. I knew I was wrong and I called my guy up and told him a sugar-coated version of what happened, then I broke up with him. I don't really know why I broke up with him, as he still wanted to be with me. It was just hard to be with him.Now I don't know what to do. I have no real interest in this new guy, and I would never pursue anything. I miss my now ex-guy so much. I love him with all my heart and I still want to be with him. I still want to marry him. However, my family still hates him and thinks it'd be great if I went out with the new guy sometime. I'm hurting so bad right now. I don't know what to do! I love my guy so much. I'd give anything to be with him again. I wish we could go back in time to before we called the wedding off. But now my family will never be okay with it. Please tell me, what am I to do? Is this relationship screwed up beyond repair? Is there any hope left for me and my love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. I decided to get back together with him. I kind of still want to marry him when he comes back too. I know a lot of people would say this is a bad idea, but what if it's what I really want to do? I'm still confused...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): 1. the first thing wrong with this is that you started seeing each other too often!! Almost everyday is too much at a start of a relationship, once or twice a week to begin with is a good start.
Seems you got too bored of each other, may explain the dating stuff, but dont blame him you cheated on him.
2. Was he a member of the online dating service BEFORE you got together? If you are a member of a service he has the right surely to read his messages at least? i'm not sure if he was contacting other women or met up with them so i'll keep that point very small.
3. if he didnt meet up with them, i understand the problem, but its you with the trust issue, you have ago at him and he might not have even cheated by most peoples definitions!! I think he registered because he got bored of you and didnt know how to tell you. BUT You got bored too! You actually cheated on him!!
4. This new guy ... (it gets worse) you make it seem like the kiss didnt mean anything but you are stringing him along! I know with this situation you are confused and insecure but dont mess with others hearts to get comfort because you split with someone you love!!
5. I'm not putting you down but giving you criticism, history will repeat itself so learn from your mistakes!!
I think some of the things you need to work on are:
* TRUST
* LOYALTY, and being FAITHFUL
* TIME MANAGEMENT
* SELF-DISCIPLINE
* BETTER THINKING/COMMON SENSE
This may seem a list but it will fix a few issues.
TRUST
I think there was a trust issue when he went away, you turned detective and found out the worst?
There will always be imperfections, if you trusted him more and he felt more secure in the relationship then he would have gave up those sites/not registered on them.
LOYALTY/FAITHFUL
Regardless if he was on a dating site, cheating on him for revengue isn't the way to fix the problem.
TIME MANAGEMENT
In future limit the time you see each other in a week in the first few months!
SELF-DISCIPLINE
A big one, it appears after all this you dont think you done nothing wrong and that HE is the guilty party, whereas what i make from what you wrote he never cheated on you and you cheated on him.Dont beat yourself up though just realise your mistake.
BETTER THINKING/COMMON SENSE
There is no reason why you should have cheated or made any harsh decisions, you can always take time out.
never make decisions in an fight or argument as your anger makes you say stuff you may not mean and his anger will make him accept it and not fight and compromise, always stress your feelings but make no decision. the silence after the storm: think about things then sit down and talk once you made your mind up without any factors influencing the decision apart from your heart and feelings.
Ok, he has some too, but that is not the reason for this post.
First i think you should tell the new guy whats going on (in brief) and stop messing him about, he thinks he has a chance. But you want the other guy.
i think you should move on without both of them, you dont love the new guy, the other one wont work unless you like a love/hate relationship where you both cheat on each other and keep getting back together and splitting up.
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female
reader, caraduddy  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Aww ..well.. you both have done something wrong .. he signed up for an online dating so that might of bin telling you somethings not right in the relationship?..and you kissed another person :O.. This is about you and him put your family out of the picture while you and him sort things out ask him what he wants n you tell him what u want and try and come to a conclution. Good look
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female
reader, camille +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Never mind what your family think! But why do you want to be with someone who did that behind your back when you were engaged. Break the habit and be on your own. You don't HAVE to be with the new guy either, you can just be alone for a while. The distance isn't helping but don't rush into any decisions. After all, you cheated on him and it sounds like he might have had the intention to do the same. Even if you did it to get even, it's no excuse. You need some time apart to assess the situation. A year isn't that long a relationship when deciding whether to spend the rest of your life together so maybe it was too soon.
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