A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy around a week ago. he gave me his number and we met up three times. During the first two 'dates' he was very polite and we kissed only on the cheek and were just friendly with each other. On the last date (today) he told me he liked me and we ended up in bed together. However, we both said it's too early so we didn't have sex, just oral. We're going to meet again today to have dinner together but I'm afraid I've blown up my chances of a possible relationship because we got physical too early. He told me he doesn't want us to be just a physical thing and I agreed but I feel bad for what happened between us today, I think we went too far already. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymousboi  +, writes (15 June 2010):
there is a very good chance , why wouldn't you think so .i had sex with my ex gf on the 2nd date and things went well for the time being . i think its fine , at least you two are on the same track agreed it was too early to have sex . so you should talk to him let him know that both of you agree to start all over again with just hugs and kissed until you are comfortable and or reached the next stage of the relationship.
well hope this helps good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Of course there's still a chance, don't worry about physicality, what's more important is that you're both on the same wavelength which it sounds you are. You both agreed it was too early for full sex and you've both already gotten physically intimate and he still wants to see you.
If you ask me things couldn't be going any better for you.
If you think things went a bit too far, then just start again. Not forget what happened, but go back and start from the kissing and cuddling stage.
Also if you think things have moven a bit fast that could be due to the frequency of dates, you only met him a week ago and today is your fourth date. Be careful not to burn out the relationship before it starts.
Saying all this are no rules to dating only what feels right and feels wrong for both people. I was dating a girl that wouldn't have sex until she was comfortable which was about 3 months into the relationship, another girl I was dating slept with me the first night we met. Both were long lasting loving relationships because both times it just felt right to be physically intimate at those different times.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Yes, there is absolutely still a chance for a relationship!! I first slept with my boyfriend on our 3rd date just a short while after we met and we are still together 15 months later. I just knew he was special very early on.
Not all guys are think that women who like to express themselves sexually are not 'relationship material'! There are some very enlightened men out there who don't hold old-fashioned or misogynistic views about women appearing chaste, but who actually love to date girls who enjoy sex and feel comfortable with it. Just because you sleep with someone early on does NOT mean that you have no values or that you'll sleep with just anyone! So please don't feel guilty or anxious about this.
The key thing is to make sure that you keep spending time together outside of the bedroom. Don't let the relationship become just about sex, but instead make sure you hang out and get to know each other. Go out on dates, spend whole days together, and show him what a wonderful, fun person you are. It sounds like he's already falling for you in a big way, as he's already said that he doesn't see this relationship as a purely physical thing. I don't think you'll struggle to convince him that you're a keeper. Just make sure he understands that you wanted to sleep with him because he's handsome, sexy, and very, very special at a personal level.
If you have sex again, don't sweat it. Just because a relationship is intense in the early phases doesn't mean it's not going to be lasting. Equally, if you feel more comfortable keeping some distance between you for a while, you shouldn't feel pressured to get naked again before you're ready. It's completely up to you!
I really hope things work out for you both!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 June 2010):
Well then you can slow it down again and continue to get to know him. If he's a good guy, he'll understand. It's not whether you move too quickly psychically, it's what else you do together. So spend time together, get to know each other and see where it leads.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Maybe, but that doesn't mean it's over. Keep going out with him if you like, but don't sleep with him. See how he reacts to this change. If he starts to become more distant, it means he doesn't see you as anything more than a friend with benefits. If he doesn't and continues to pursue you, it means there really is more to it than just sex for him.
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