A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 52 and I'm in my mid 30's so quite an age gap but we've been together for nearly 10 years. He goes to the corner shop on a daily basis to buy some chocolate and a drink (I rarely go) and over the last couple of months he's taking alot longer, even though it's only a couple of minutes away and a few times he has left his phone at home (he normally has it glued to the hip!). A 19 year old girl who works behind the counter, was really pleasant to me the few times I had been in there in the past but one day when we both went in her attitude towards me was completely off. She didn't offer me a bag for the stuff I bought whilst asking everyone else if they wanted one, and when my boyfriend approached she was all smiles, offering a bag to him and I even respond with a giggle when I heard him make a joke about something he had just picked off the shelf.She didn't offer me a bag for the stuff I bought whilst asking everyone else if they wanted one, and when my boyfriend approached she was all smiles, offering a bag to him and I even respond with a giggle when I heard him make a joke about something he had just picked off the shelf.Prior to us going, he got really annoyed when I said that I would accompany him to the shop to get something, and asked me why I wanted to go, which seemed odd. He even had a go at me for implying that it was to do with 'the girl in the shop' whose boyfriend incidentally owns it and sits upstairs out of sight. I decided to follow him to the shop without him noticing the next time he went, peeked through the window and saw tthey were both facing each other across the counter looking into each others eyes! Since then I have been in a few times and just chatted to the girl in a friendly manner and hinted my boyfriend was acting weird. She asked me how long I have been going out with him and when I replied she looked very nervous and with a quivering mouth said, 'that's a long time'. She also said she thought we were just friends and looked a bit shocked when I mentioned his age. She never seems to want to talk about her own boyfriend without being prompted by me but whenever I go in she looks at me waiting to say something about him. When I mentioned it was my birthday and he still hadn't got me a present she replied, 'I think you should finish it, you're far too good for him.' Then recently, on Boxing Day, as soon as I walked in she actually ended a phone conversation she was having to ask me 'did he get you a present?'. No 'how are you?' or 'Hi'. I know that he talks to her for at least 10 minutes in the shop which is always dead, but she has only ever said that he grunts 'hello' when he comes in. So what I want to know is, is something going on between them or is it about to? I guess I'm finding it hard to think it could as he is 52 and she is 19, her boyfriend is only in the next room etc. but something's just not right. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): if there isn't yet, it seems like only a matter of time before it will. I went through the same thing with my boyfriend and this little 21 yr.old, who wasn't very pretty i might add, and it ended ugly. She was private calling my phone and calling an old this and that, she thought cause she was younger that he would automatically dump me for her. Once it was all out in the open and everyone knew i knew, they quickly denied everything to her obvious chagrin, also if I was you I would start talking to her boyfriend,friendly-like, you know dress up and totally play the cougar roll, and let your boyfriend catch you. Be just like him and when it hits the fan, throw it up in his face what you know he did. If he wants you he will stop acting that way. You deserve better but its all about what you want in the end. So play to win, pick your head up, get your hair done, and so him and her who they are messing with
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): It sounds like she's a little bored at work and your boyfriend is providing a little flirtatious distraction. Maybe she just likes the attention, as you said the shop is usually dead, so any conversation is welcome. Maybe he likes the idea of flirting with a younger woman. Neither of this means that they will get off to anything, or that they already have.
Perhaps you should start to go to the shops alone a little more and try to strike up a conversations with her about other subjects. This might stop anything from going on between her and your boyfriend, as she would be less likely to pursue anything if you become friendly with her.
Nothing good will come of going crazy over a little flirtation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Well, you are in your mid 30's, and were in your mid 20's when you started seeing him.
He's a lot older than you.
He's a lot older than her.
None of that really means anything if you have a good relationship, but it sounds like you have reasons to be suspicious.
Yet, suspicion doesn't really mean anything either. Many people whose spouses cheat on them are none the wiser for it. Many people who are suspicious are not being cheated on.
Nobody on here can tell you what is going on with your boyfriend, but it is rather interesting that you are "boyfriend" after 10 years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): It sounds as if there is a bit of mutual flirting going on. But I would be very surprised if it went beyond that.If you can, let it go, unless things develop further which I very much doubt they will.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 It sounds like he's interested in her, and she's definitely interested in him. In my experience, middle-aged men generally don't go out of their way to talk to a younger woman just for the conversation or just to be nice. On that note, she wouldn't be asking you about him or reacting that way if there was no interest.There's no way to be certain something would definitely happen between them, though. Being attracted to her doesn't mean he'll act on it. Her actions are definitely odd, but until you see a change in his behaviour or concrete evidence there's something more going on, I don't think there's much to worry about.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (28 December 2010):
 I highly doubt there is anything romantically going on, but it definitely sounds fishy. When I started reading, I was sure you were just creating your own scenario.. but finishing the story I'm not so sure anymore. Her behaviors are a bit strange, but your boyfriend's aren't so much. When you implied you'd go with him to the shop, your reasoning was because of the girl. Men aren't as dumb as bags of rocks, even though women love to think so ;) He probably could tell you didn't trust him, and that angered him. Though I'm sure he talks to her about his day and is very friendly and even a bit flirtatious, there is a reason for him being with you for so long.She, on the other hand, might have a little mindless crush on him. She might not even know it, or want to admit it, but it is likely harmless. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Eventually she will just get a new job (she's 19... and if her and her bf break up I doubt she'll stay) and they will lose touch. The innocent flirtation will be over and you'll both still be happy.
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