A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think I have Social Anxiety Disorder...... I haven't made any friends in over 20 years. Sure I have "acquaintances", but no one I would consider "friend". I have always considered myself "shy". I have trouble talking to people I don't know. I'm afraid what they will think about what I say or do. When I walk into a room full of people, it frightens me. Hours before going to a social event, I am so worried with fear of what they will think of me, I get nauseous, I shake, I get scared. i dont know what my personality is and who i am. i get confused about how to talk to people and how should i behave and what i want from them. wherever i go, i become an exception and people ultimately start hating me or ignoring me. i dont like to be an attention seeker. i pity myself and feel suicidal all the time. most of the time i bunk classes and cry sitting alone in my computer room.I want to make friends, I've joined theater groups to make friends, but I'm scared of what other people think, I try to avoid them so I won't have to talk to them, I won't have to think of something smart to say. I have no friends I can talk anything out with, no one I can count on in my time of need. Yesterday I was feeling lonely, sad and depressed and I was crying. I decided my best friend from out-of-state would be the one to talk to so to make me feel better. Well, when I called her, she was so busy talking about the stuff in her life, I didn't get a chance to say what I wanted. So I called a couple of days later, feeling lonely, sad and depressed again, and wanting to talk. Well, her brother was on the other line with her, she said she would call back, and she did. When she called back about 15 minutes later (8pm my time, 9pm her time) her home phone was running out of charge, so she called me back on her cell phone, and since she has to pay for minutes, she asked if she could call me Monday,I said that's okay, except I have a class from 6-8pm and won't be home until 10pm her time. Well, she said can I call Tuesday? Well, I of course said yes, what was I supposed to say? But I really needed someone to talk to at that time and I didn't know what to do. I also called my cousin whom I could talk to, but her voicemail came on, so I spent most of the evening just crying.I would appreciate anyone with help they can give me.I would like to tell my cousin and my only friend of my situation, but they don't seem to have time for me. I will seek professional help, but I need a friend to confide in and someone to give me a hug, or hold my hand, which a professional can't do.Please help me!
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 Will a virtual hug do for now?
((((((((((((((hug )))))))))))))
I am glad you have indicated you will seek professional help as you may need a combination of therapy and medication to help get you to a place where you can cope better with your issues and begin to work together with a support team (therapist, friend, relo's) to constructively tackle them and obtain a better self image.
Here is a bit of info that probably wont make you feel much better right now, but will at least let you know that you are not alone. LOTS of people worry about what they will say or do in social situations, ..then they go home and analyze themselves, ...kick their own butts for little faux pas that in reality no one else probably even noticed, .... and then they slap emselves coz they have thought of a perfect line way after the moment to deliver it has passed.
When it becomes so consuming tho, as it appears to be in your case, that is when therapists can help with constructive techniques to hold your hand and walk you through your issues.
It is not attention seeking either to ask for help. I bet you would help anyone else in your situation if you could, so start to value yourself as much as others and know that we are all entitled to be down at times, we all have issues, and we are all worthy and deserving of getting helped with them.
Also, ..I am sure you would work on this in therapy anyway, but perhaps look in to some sort of course on self discovery. You may find it confronting, even disturbing at times, but if it is a well designed course you should come out the other end knowing what makes you tick, what events moulded you, why you react as you do to certain stimuli or situations, why your relationships with others are as they are, etc, etc.
I hope this at least gave you some things to ponder and best wishes with your progress xxx
A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 Just one more thing a wise friend said to me once:
"No-one will ever be able to love you enough until you learn to love yourself"
Think about it :) xxxx
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (6 January 2010):
Ok first of, are you not setting your sights a little high (for the time being) at social events?
What i would suggest is, 1) go to the doc, get some anti-depressents and ask for councelling. Once you have done that, you brain will be better able to deal with social situations.
2) Dont go for groups of people. Find one person, preferably on their own, and go and have a chat with them. Just walk up to them, say "do you mind if i sit down?" (they will say sure) and then say something like..."hi, how are you? My name is......."
Let the conversation flow as easily as possible, and each time you see him, say hello. Eventually you will become friends. When you have one friend that you can talk to, the world seems much easier.
If he becomes a good friend, he can slowly introduce his friends to you, which will widen your social circle, slowly but surely. When you have a small group of close friends, you can ask them to accompany you if you need to attend a larger social event. If you have a couple of people there you are friendly with you will find the whole situation easier to deal with.
Also, about your theatre groups...i have worked in theatre, and from my experience, they are some of the friendliest people you will meet, but they can be fairly loud, which might unsettle you.
A great place to make friends is while doing some volunteer work. That way, you all have a shared interest, and you wont feel out of place because you are all doing something to help someone else. And also, you are unlikely to get really nasty people doing volunteer work.
I wish the best of luck to you, and please keep me updated :) xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox
I hope this works for you.
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A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 I can some-what relate to this feeling. Something that helps me is positive visualization. When you're laying in bed think about the day ahead. Think about how you want the day to go. Whether it is for a social event or just going on simple arrands. Almost as if you were rehursing it. By the time the day comes, even if you are still a bit shakey, and nervous, it will be a lot easier to talk to people. The more you do this, the easier it gets.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): I suffer from anxiety and depression myself so know how you feel. I would suggest going to see your doctor, it ill help i promise, try anxiety management and councelling. When I first started getting help I went on my own, you can do it, just keep calm, try to relax and try some breathing exercises life breathing in and out taking deeper breaths. Well done for writing on here, it helps to talk things over with people.
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A
female
reader, courtney42595 +, writes (6 January 2010):
I would stop worrying about what other people think of you, and get to know other people better. If they are your real friends they won't care how you act and what you say. Focus more on being yourself and stop worrying about what people think of you. Sure don't go all out and say something absoloutly hummiliating or disturbing. When you talk to people see how they act and what the say, if your not yourself in a friendly relationship then what will happen when you have to be? Hope this helps ^^
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