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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend left me about a year ago. He is now happily involved with someone else. I am trying to start dating again but just like my breakup it just seems to be causing heartache. I have met two guys off the internet and it seemed that they were not interested and I did meet a guy last weekend...it was in a bar mind you. He asked for my number and has not called. I am knee deep in volunteer work, am involved in politics and am working on my masters so I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself but I am really beginning to think that a)there is no one for me b) there must be something wrong with me. I am reasonably attractive and a decent person to boot. I have friends who have met someone online for example and are now happily involved...I just am not sure what I am doing wrong. I am about twenty five pounds overweight but still get male attention so I do not know what it could be. Any advice appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): Just do what makes you happy. It takes a while to fully get over a long term relationship. Sometimes years. That's not necessarily a bad thing. When you are finally over it and truly happy with yourself and every aspect of your life, then the "one" will come along. It might be today, it might be next year. Take your time, don't stress, and have fun with whatever makes you a happy person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): I don't think you are doing anything wrong, necessarily. You seem to be involved in lots of activities and presumably are well-educated and can carry on an intelligent conversation. I wonder whether you like to go bowling, or hiking, work out at the gymn or go dancing? I'm thinking social type activities as well as the politics and volunteer work, just so long as its something that interests you and would broaden your scope.Bars are probably not the best places to meet good quality men - but I guess there might be exceptions, even there, but they do have the reputation for being "meet" markets.....and don't give up on the online route. Just because a couple of them were not interested, doesn't mean there's not plenty others who would be.The only other thing I would add is to stay positive - i.e., stop thinking there isn't anyone for you - and continue to enjoy your life the way you live it. An independent, kind, intelligent woman who does not come across as seeming to need a man to "complete" her is very attractive and non-threatening to a potential boyfriend.You might - if you haven't already done so - think about what happened in your relationship with your previous bf. You say he left you, so presumably he was the one to end it. Were there problems going on that you can remember, and if so, do you have a good idea as to how you both handled issues, well or badly? You can learn from experiences like that and be better equipped to know what you want and do not want in your next relationship, and how you might (better, perhaps) handle things that inevitably come up.But perhaps there really was nothing you did wrong. Your bf may possibly have been a little immature, or uncertain of what he wanted. Or......perhaps the relationship simply ran out, especially if you didn't have basic goals and values, as well as common interests.You mention being overweight. Well, many men are not too bothered by that. Only thing I'd say about it is if you want to, to lose some of that for your own health's sake and well-being, if you need to.Hope this helps and encourages you!
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