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female
age
30-35,
*ena
writes: The right thing is me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months and we have been slowly growing apart. The first bad thing happened after a month of being with him, his mates acused me of cheating on him, after days of telling him i didn't he believed me, about a month after that he came around to my house and accused me again but this time he wasn't mentioning any names as to who said it, he said he believed me again when i told him it wasn't true. then this month a rumour has gone around that me and him had underage sex at my mothers and she knew and bought us condoms and watched us! this is a pack of lies but thats what has gone around school. my mum later told be that day that during the christmas holidays she had been speaking with my boyfriend and he had said that he does flirt with other girls but that is it and he would never hurt me, but my mum also told me that he came around with a love bite on his neck (that i didn't give him) and my grandad also said he saw it too! he also said he thinks i go out too dressed up and whenever someone texts me he always asks who it is. do you think he is insecure because he minght be cheating on me? or is it me being paranoid? he's now not allowed at my house and i'm not allowed round his because of the rumours, both our parents say to leave it for a few weeks until things have calmed down, we now never hardly see eachother but i do love him, what should i do?
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (13 January 2007):
You are in a difficult situation. Lots of people spreading rumours and nobody knows the truth. You cannot prevent rumours from spreading. All you can do is know the truth about yourself. If people ask you, you can tell them the truth about you, but people will believe what they want to believe, and you can't make up their minds for them.
With all of these rumours, even you are not sure what to believe. Did he have love bites from other girls? Your parents think so, and that makes you unsure what you should think. You think "is he being honest with me, or is he lying and just pretending to be honest with me while he is sneaking around with other girls?". He might also be wondering "did she really cheat on me like people say, or is she telling the truth?".
This comes down to trust. We can never know what people do when we are away from them, but through communicating with your boyfriend, by talking and feeling and listening to your intuition, you will decide what you believe.
What I do in my life, is I trust people, and I am totally honest with everyone. That means that sometimes, people might take advantage of me, but I usually find out in the end. And when I do, I can stand tall and know that I did the right thing, that I was not the one who let other people down. If someone abuses my trust, I might choose not to associate with them, and I might get hurt, but I can take it. As long as I am doing what I think is right. I forgive people for their mistakes, and I move on.
If you choose to trust him, it doesn't mean he is a good guy and it doesn't mean he is a bad guy, it only determines what kind of person you have chosen to be, but at the same time, don't be a sucker either. Trust your intuition. If your parents think he had love bites on him, confront him, and see what he says. If you believe him, fine, but if you suspect he is making up a story and that he is lying, get rid of him. Again, communication. Talking. Feeling what you feel, and making a decision based on that. It is not a bad thing to have a week or two of space to find out what you want, and what you think. Same for him. When you see him, hopefully you will get the chance to talk a few things through, and go from there.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): Chances are he's cheating on you there is an old saying the cheater always acuses the cheated. meaning the person doing the cheating always acuses the other person of doing it because they themself are doing it. so you are in love with him, if you break things off now you will save yourself alot of heartache later. but don't rush into anything just yet talk to him and ask him what he thinks you guys should do, and bring up the idea that your mom saw the "love bite" on his neck. tell him that you don't want to be in a relationship if he's cheating on you. if you both decide that it's a good idea to break things off leaving off on a good note, then you will get over him and hopefully find a new guy that will like you for you and you'll like him for him.
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