A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I come out to be a reserved, quiet guy. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, but sometimes I feel bad that I don't really participate much in conversations. Usually, its because I don't have much to say. When I do have something to say, it seems awkward and out of place. I'm not very charismatic. I tend to walk around the point I want to make when I do speak out.The only time you'll see me talk a bit is when people are talking directly with me, but even then it can turn out to be more of a Q and A session sometimes.My friends think I am cool and all, but I don't seem to interact much. I'm a nice guy and a good listener as others have told me. I just tend to be more of an observer. I'm kind of worried that these factors will be major weaknesses towards any relationships. I mean, I feel I can be a loving and caring kind of guy, but I'm just don't seem to be a sociable and interesting guy. It's kind of why I never really tried finding a girl. Being friends with a girl is one thing, but I never bothered taking things further regardless of my feelings. Is there anything I can do to break these attributes? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Hi, I agree with the previous poster. Just be yourself and speak your mind. I am somewhat of an observer too. Observers sometimes forget that they have an opinion too and often others would be interested to know it. You may be under valuing what you have to offer in a conversation. The fact you feel like you sound awkward may just be due to lack of practice. Also, bear in mind people like to be listened to. If you have nothing new to add to a conversation then you could try occasional reflective listening. For example someone says lasts nights Halloween party was great, the music was great...you could respond with, yes I loved that party too, the music, the food, all great. Don't overdo this though. When you are in a one on one situation that's feeling like a Q &A! Try turning some of the Qs back to your friend. It will help you get to know them and them to know you. Last thing to ponder.....some woman love to talk...having a partner that will listen to them is ideal! Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): There is always a way, yeah it's a cliched phrase but it's true. You just have to want to and then you have to try. That's it.
If you want to participate more in conversation then just do. I too am more of an observer, well I used to be but then I just stopped thinking and reacted to things that were said and added my own opinions to the conversation. I had big problems in my own mind with this in the past because I'm brutally honest, I have absolutely no tact at all because I shoot straight from the hip when I speak. But if I didn't do it that way then I'd just end up sitting there thinking and not adding to the conversation.
You just can't be afraid of what people will think of the things you say, you can't worry whether you're interesting or not. I mean I still say the most inappropriate of things sometimes but people that know me don't care and actually value that trait greatly because I never soften anything I say up, I just can't. If they don't want to know something they won't ask me but if they want to know a true opinion that others won't say to them they'll ask, they might be hurt by what I say but they'll know it's honest. As I said this still gives me trouble in some respects, new people I meet can be shocked and or offended by it but I don't care, if they don't take time to see that it's never intended that way.
Just shoot from the hip, when in conversation add your own opinion, don't be afraid of being boring or stupid, it takes practice to be able to talk freely with people and once you get the hang of it, you probably won't shut up.
They're mot bad attributes by the way, being quiet and observant but there's a time and a place when you have to speak up too and get noticed. Just practice and learn to balance that.
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