A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so gutted, my sweet and innocent 20year old girlfirend turns out to be not so sweet and innocent.She has slept with many many many men including black guys with what she says had enormous dicks and white guys with 9inc dicks.I am so gutted, how can I ever live up to this...I am average to say the least and cannot ever compete with these guys.Regardless of how I look at this its just so hard to stay confident - I hide my dick in my hand when we are both naked and only let it out when fully erect and intimacy dictates I have no choice.She says she is satified, god I don't want to be just satisfactory I want to be the best!This is hard to swollow (no pun intended) especially when she only looks 17years old and it 39kg in wieght and 4ft 9inc tall. She is tiny, how did she manage to take these guys and she must have been so fulfilled by all of this.I feel like just ducking out of any sexual encounters with her now. I feel like we should just be close without sex because I feel so inadequate.She loves tongue and we both enjoy oral sex but I am a man, this is about feeling like a man, I dont want to have to compensate with other items because my dick might not be up to the job like the other guys although she does say its good and she has no compaints.This sucks!! Strikes me that I should go and find myself a younger girlfriend that hasn't perhaps had any sex at all so that I am the first one she experiences, this way I might find that I am seen as ideal.My self confidence is dented. I have always been considered quite the catch so I am told but this has taken the spring out of my step and I am so unhappy. Any advice?
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 OK, this is very important did you whine and push until she told you about the other guys or did she just throw it in your face? If she threw it in your face then you shouldn't stick around but if you push her to tell you then you have some growing up to do.
It is really only a relatively small proportion of women for whom a big dick is important and your girl is so tiny and cute that it seems unlikely she'd fall in that category BUT was is going to be a huge turn off to any girl is you being a pussy about it, covering up your equipment, asking about other mens' dicks and generally being a Gamma male.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Well, if she slept with a lot of guys, then she has had a wide spectrum if dick size to figure out what she likes.
Long, short, wide, narrow, circumcised, uncircumcised, bent in various configurations, etc, etc.
So, why is she with you?
Why are you with her?
"especially when she only looks 17years old and it 39kg in wieght and 4ft 9inc tall. She is tiny, how did she manage to take these guys and she must have been so fulfilled by all of this."
First of all, if she was so fulfilled by all this, why is she with someone who is old enough to be her father?
Secondly, why are you with someone young enough to be your daughter?
You need seriously to get some counseling.
Personally, I preferred an older woman whose had a lot of experience, so they don't get a little older and wonder what they were missing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): It is of course your right to disagree and if you find a negative connotation in my post where there isn't then fair enough.
I didn't say all girls sleep around and I never implied that no one in my generation didn't do the same, of course they did. But while you may find it offensive to think that girls get sexualized earlier, that is simply the case. You haven't lived through my generation so how can you know? I however am living yours and have lots of friends your age.
Yes it was a generalization I can only compare to the people I know, who are all a lot more liberal in their attitudes to sexuality than when I was that age, I've had many discussions about this with girls my age and they never had miley cyrus sexting at 14, jamie lynn spears sister getting pregnant at 16, paris hilton becoming famous for a sex tape, other celebs making sex tapes, sex on big brother, lady gaga is basically a porn star. Other stars and celebs making music videos practically naked with a dancing style that borders on pornography. Shows like sex in the city, gossip girl, cougar town etc etc promoting promiscuity as a virtue of a modern woman, the internet giving greater availability these things. Sure we had baywatch, pamela anderson, playboy and madonna, but we had no internet, no mobile phones and even playboy has become a girls clothing and accessories label. I see girls at ten years old wearing playboy clothes.
You may see sexualization as meaning sleeping around, actually it doesn't mean that, it means greater knowledge, availability and use of sex to sell to younger people, it means earlier exposure to sexual concepts.
While you may find it offensive to think people of your generation have different more liberal attitudes to sex or that it's condescending to make such a generalization when you yourself may be the paragon of virtue, his girlfriend doesn't fit into that category, and if you read my post again you'll see that I did not once state it as a negative thing, just an observation.
If you see people sleeping around as a bad thing then that's your problem I'm afraid, I don't think there's anything wrong with someone doing that if they do it for the right reasons.
As for the offence you took at my previous comment, you just took it up wrong and assumed I was calling all girls your age sluts or something, when I was simply highlighting differences in sexual attitude and behaviours which frankly you haven't lived through. Something which the OP must be aware of if he's going to continue and age gap relationship, with such a big difference in the generational gap.
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A
female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Just a comment about the age and in reply to the comment that girls are highly sexualised very young these days - I don't agree, there are some girls who go and sleep around a lot, was that not the case for anyone in your generation?? I didn't loose my virginity till I was 17, a lot of my friends did at 16 and I have friends at 21 who are still virgins. It's always been the case that girls who sleep around exist! At 21 I have only been with one man and find that sweeping generalisation quite offensive and condescending.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Different generations to be honest. If you're the age that your profile states then you have completely different outlooks on life. There is no such thing as sweet and innocent anymore. There really isn't. Girls get sexualized far earlier these days.
I have a friend in college now that is 19, she is for all intents and purposes a sweet innocent girl. She's a virgin and won't sleep with anyone until she's married. She won't even do oral or manual until then. But she still goes out and kisses 2 or 3 guys in a night and will go to bed with a guys she's just met, and spend the night fighting them off. Most girls her age that I know in college have had lots of boyfriends and lots of sex. Girls their age are now growing up in a time where being promiscuous is not only acceptable but it's cool. Look at all the shows they watch, sex and the city, Gossip girl the list goes on.
I'm in my 30's and my girlfriend was 19 when I started dating her, if I'm honest I don't remember girls being that sexually "liberated" when I was her age. They're literally as free and easy as guys these days. It's perfectly normal to have lots of sexual partners for them. You have to understand this if you're going to get over your retro jealousy. You have to understand that those partners and the sex they had means nothing compared to what they're having now. If you didn't sexually satisfy her she wouldn't be with you.
You have to be aware that it's not about being the best, it's not about having a huge penis (FYI they pop babies out of there, so if you're wondering how even a small girl can take a big penis, there you go)
You need to get over this, it's illogical and you know it. It makes no difference to anything except what's in your head. You can try going younger but you're just as likely to find a girl who's already been sexually active. It's the norm. If you can't get over this or at least understand what her generation is like and the fact that they put far less importance in having meaningful sex then you need to find a woman your own age with the same values as you.
If you want to date younger girls that think the same way you do then build a time machine because frankly a girl that age that will date guys our age have to be sexually liberated. The "sweet and innocent" ones are going to go date a guy who is 10-15 years older than them because they would be the ones that see older guys dating younger girls as creeps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): As you get older and perhaps have more relationships you are going to have to get used to the idea of not being your womans one and only. And you can't just keep gettin younger gfs so they have no one else to compare you with!
Your gf hasn't stayed with any of these guys which might go to show something, if she liked them that much and was so satisfied then why is she not still with them?
She has chosen to be with you and I can understand your insecurities-that is some past she has-but for her to tell you about it all might signal that she sees you as a serious partner and wants to be open with you about everything.
You need to talk to her and tell her that you are glad she was honest about her past but you feel like you can't match up to them now and are worried that she will compare you to them. Hopefully she can reassure you that you are more than satisfying to her and just because she's been with many men doesn't mean you aren't her ideal. But you have to talk to her as people on here can only make guesses.
She is with you for a reason and every relationship should be based on more than sex. You offer more than just sex to her, you've got something those guys don't have and its her coming home to you everynight and calling you her boyfriend.
I really hope you can get past this lack of confidence and get on enjoying your relationship, Good Luck in the future!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Why would she even tell you about other men that she has banged? She shouldnt care about how big anothers guys dick was, she is with you now! I dont think its right for women to tell their current boyfriend about how big all the other guys were. It makes men feel, well, not like a man. Im sorry you had to go through that. I can tell you that it doesnt matter, but when a man is judged by what he thinks is the best thing about him, its hard to gain that confidence back. You shouldnt worry about it. There is nothing wrong with being average. Do you think that she was trying to hurt your feelings? Have you talked to her about it? Is it worth it trying to work things out? I wish you the very best of luck. :]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Look up "retroactive jealousy"
And start preparing to leave her. Never mind what is fair, this is what has to be done. You are not a good match for her and you will be completely miserable as long as you are with her.
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