A
male
age
36-40,
*ico
writes:Hi, I give advice to people on here but i can never seem to give myself advice if that makes sense. I'm stuck in a rutt at the moment where i'm in love with this girl who i met through a friend. We have got to know each other really well and i've known her for quite a while now, i told her how i feel about her and she has told me that she feels the same but she's involved with someone else! She want's to be with me but he is violent and she's worried if she ends it with him it will cause A LOT of trouble, and he makes her feel so bad. I'm just waiting for her to make a decision which is really hard and wondered what you lot think? Many Thanks. Nico
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): She has to make the decision to leave the one who is abusing her. Let her know that you will be there for her, but, until she makes that choice, you have to live your own life, too. That may mean meeting someone else and falling in love...but you deserve that chance. Just live your life and be happy...the rest will work itself out. If you are meant to be with her,you will be. Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I think it's sweet you want to rescue your friend. It still doesn't sound like she has reached her limits on abuse or even is aware that the BF is controlling and abusive and a violent threat.
That he has already restricted her by telling her she should have no male friends...I am sure it will change to having no female friends as well as no family around as an abuser likes to isolate his victim. This way the victim has to rely more on him for support and he gets to control her.
I'd tell him that she is an adult, her own person, has her own life, is not his property, does not own her, so since she hasn't said she doesn't need you as a friend then maybe you might take it seriously. I'd tell him you are no one to me, that I am not threatened by you in anyway and you better treat her like a Queen or she will wake up and realize just how much of a loser he is.
I would keep telling her you are there for her no matter what and to not believe his garbage that he would harm you just so she feels obligated to protect you by losing a good friend so A HOLE feels better about himself and he can control her.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, Nico +, writes (19 February 2007):
Nico is verified as being by the original poster of the question She isn't aloud male friends, and he found out that i was txting her and she was txting and ringing me and also going up town with a few of our friends. He said if he finds out that i'm out with her he will kick me in lol but i aint fussed about all that as i can look after myself. I just want her to get out of her relationship with him and then be single for a while but still see me and who knows what will happen in the future, i care about her.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (19 February 2007):
 There is absolutely nothing you can do here until SHE gets out of this relationship and the sooner she does the better. I would advise you to remain friends with her and stay on the side lines for a bit in case he thinks she's been seeing someone else while she's been with him. She'll be in a lot more trouble if she chooses to remain with a man who is violent towards her. She needs to have some respect for herself and get out of the relationship sooner, rather than later.
Eve
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