A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old, I have an ok life with a boyfriend who suffers from depression and sometimes lashes out due to alcohol and drug problems. I missed out on my teenage years due to being thrown out by my mum who left the country when I was 15 I lived on the streets of london for a long time with a crack cocaine and heroine habit to feed which I kept going through making money busking guitar. I was raped by someone I considered a close friend after he invited me to stay with him to "get me better" after a very long hard struggle through addiction. He spiked my drink and raped me. I became conscious during a few parts of it and bits of it came back to me over time. I don't know how to explain it but what with my family turning their backs on me at such a young age and all the other stuff - fending for myself and having no one to care. I stupidly pretended not to remember what he had done to me and although I left and went elsewhere after it happened I continued to go back because in my life I've been treated badly and I just needed anything or anybody to distract my mind because I was scared of my own thoughts. It never happened again but I find in my quest to feel loved and cared about I always seem to get more and more hurt. Now I suffer with depression and I can't cope with life anymore. I have become a drug addict again, suffering with anorexia and killing myself with starvation because I don't have the guts to outright kill myself. I am slowly wasting away and running out of options. I can't figure out what to do anymore. I've tried psychiatrists, drug rehabilitation, filling my life with the things I enjoy the most yet I found myself back at the beginning. I will leave behind a life of pain and suffering and no one to remember me as my boyfriend is in the same boat as I am. Is there anything else I can try as in my state with anorexia I am unlikely to last longer.
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male
reader, lonelyindian  +, writes (30 October 2008):
get medical help...quickly. check yourself into an behavioral institution. You need professional help...dear god, don't kill yourself...if you don't believe in god, love, or anything like that...believe that when you do that, the life you have been given loses all value.
Believe it or not...the people you interact with find value in you...otherwise, they would not be around you.
Admittedly, you've have some shitty relationships, but not everyone is like that. Join a convent...get as close to God as you can...because, truly, only he can save you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This may seem cliche but as someone who has also battled (and really, still battling an eating disorder), I found the best way to recover is to be around people that genuinely care...
Honestly, I don't think you'll find that where you are but there are many organizations out there that are willing to help free of charge...The internet can really be a vital help in your situation. I just googled my predicament and found a state found youth organization in my area that really helped me out...
Maybe the counselors you've seen weren't the right counselors....I'd say give it wouldn't hurt to give the search one more try.
I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): The key to your salvation here is yourself.
You have to dig deep within yourself and find a reason for living. It doesn't have to be grand. It can be as simple as having never read Moby Dick.
But find it.
And then... you get as far away from any of the people who will drag you back down in the long run as you can. It will be hard, but sometimes we must all make sacrifices.
You must also eat. I know it sounds crass, but until you can learn to treat your body right, you won't be happy.
And don't ever let your experiences with people destroy your perception of humanity. There ARE good honest people out there. You just need look closer.
Track down your family and try to make things work with them. They may have turned on you, but you don;t have to do the same. Show them you care, even if they don't.
It will make YOU feel batter to provide thm a mercy they seem to find it hard to give you.
Keep going to counselling and even go out and help others like yourself as a volunteer if you choose to, it will help you to erode away a life-time of neglect and indifference and fill it with humility and warmth.
Good luck and I hope things work out, no matter what you choose to do. This life would be a lesser place for someone if it is deprived of your existence.
Flynn 24
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