A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I apologise in advance for the long article, I hope it doesn't put you off from reading it but I need some advice from those who are or have in the past been in a similar postion.There is this girl I used to date a while back now but I can't get her out of my head. I would get back with her like that if she wanted to. I developed strong feelings for her in a short time. I thought things were going great but she told me it wasn't going to work between us. She never gave me a proper reason. We have stayed friends and she now feels able to open up to me more than when we were going out (still not fully but more than when we dated). Since she ended it I have found out she is depressed. She hated school and would regularly bunk off. I don't know excactly but her dad now doesn't want to know her and she told me that when she was younger her dad abused her mum. She has had a lot of relationships, many of them sexual. I don't know how many boyfriends she's had but I think it could be over 25. She has had about 15 sexual partners and some one night stands. I think that this is a lot but it never put me off when she told me cos she said she used to do things that she now regrets (drugs, one night stands ect...). I know that her most of her relationships have ended because two things, either she pushed them away cos she didn't want to get too close or they treated her badly and were never there for her when she needed them. When we talk and the subject of relationships comes up she tells me that all guys are the same and after only one thing. She won't tell me but I know that one or more of her relationships have caused her to think like that. When she says this, I tell her not every guy thinks like that (when I say it she knows I mean me). I don't want to sound big headed or something when I say this cos I know I'm not perfect but I can tell you I am nothing like that. I believe she deep down knows that cos she then says something in a joke way (like saying am a girl or gay) to take me out of the group of all men. She tells me she is sick of guys but she still wants that one guy who's different.The questions I have are for those who have/had depression or something else in their lives that make them think like this girl does.1)I would like some insight into what you are going through that causes you to think like that?2)If, during the time you suffered depression you met someone deep down you know was possible right(different from the rest) for you how you treated him/her? p.s. I know that these questions are potentially difficult to answer but any advice is greatfully accepted.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): thank you marie for your advice. she has been told by the doctor that he doesnt want to put her on antidepressants cos of her age(16). before he does that he want her to go to counciling and a psychiatrist. i believe her mum and sister also suffer depression so there is those close to her she can turn to. i personally want to be there for this girl but its really getting to me. i would give anything to be with her and i'd do anything for her but its getting me down not being able to.can i ask you where were you in regards to getting treatment(how long had you been on antidepressant and seeing coucilor) before you realised what that guy was like? what did that guy do while you were being horrid to him?(was he always there for you or did he get on with his life until you were ready)i personally want to be there for this girl but its really getting to me. i would give anything to be with her and i'd do anything for her but its getting me down not being able to.
A
female
reader, marie. +, writes (31 March 2009):
i think when you have had only men who treat you like crap and all treat you with no respect and all your looking for is to be loved you only believe that there is only men like that until she meet you and she is finds it nice but not that use to it i only am going by my past experience and yes i have suffered depression and its horrid but be there for her and if you can speak to her hart to hart get her in counciling and to doctors and he will prescribe her antidepressants and i treat him horrid to but came to really love him cos i realised he loved me and he was different from the other men hope you all the best
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A
female
reader, marie. +, writes (31 March 2009):
i think when you have had only men who treat you like crap and all treat you with no respect and all your looking for is to be loved you only belive that there is only men like that untill she meet you and she is finds it nice but not that use to it i only am going by my past experence and yes i have suffered deprssion and its horrid but be there for her and if you can speak to her hart to hart get her in counciling and to doctors and he will prescribe her antdepresons and i treat him horrid to but came to really love him cos i relised he loved me and he was diffrent from the other men hope you all the best
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