A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. We rarely get into arguments and when we do, it's either about something incredibly dumb or his lack of self-confidence. He is a bigger guy who grew up in an environment where his mom was and still is a manipulative and controlling bitch.Now, this woman pisses me off to no end. She's bi-polar; quit her job and moved them to several different places to try and keep a roof over my boyfriend's head (sometimes failing miserably); when his parents divorced when he was three, she claimed his father was cheating on her (which was a lie) and since the courts favor the mother, she gained custody anyway; and has used all of this as leverage to guilt trip my boyfriend over the years. How all that worked out is beyond me. She even took the child support money that was supposed to go to my boyfriend's medical and living expenses and used it on her own bills and paying rent.She's always told him "Family never gets left behind!" and while that's true (for the most part), he was finally able to grow a pair and get away from her the day he and I started dating. I had NOTHING to do with this mainly because I was having my own issues with an ex and didn't really have time to help him with his problems. Makes me sound like a bitch but... I was trying to keep the peace with myself, really. Also, his dad (whom he currently lives with now) and especially his step-mom make things a little unbearable for him sometimes.Apparently, I forgot to say hi to his step-mom once before rummaging through their fridge to make my boyfriend a sandwich and she got offended by that. The end result? I haven't been to their house in literally two months. While I know it's disrespectful not to do something as simple as that... c'mon! Please remove the stick from your ass. My boyfriend doesn't really like his step-mom mainly because he finds she garners some traits that his mother has: namely being super controlling. She even told me that I act like his mother sometimes and when I told my boyfriend, he was like, "WTF?" He then told me how I'm NOT like her and he loves me for it. Anyway, as dysfunctional as all of this sounds, his dad and I get along really well. Probably because he's exactly like my own dad only his dad swears a lot more (that's what happens when you're an Army Vet).My boyfriend and I will eventually get married, I can feel it in my bones. I just want to know how I can help him out of this personal rut of his. I've tried everything I can think of: Complimenting him on a daily basis, always telling him why I love him, keeping up a healthy sex life so he KNOWS he is desirable (that and I really like sex). I shower him with gifts (probably spent about $2k on him so far in our relationship). He doesn't make as much as I do so his idea of showing me love is through sex, PDA, and cooking. All of which I'm 100% fine with. But is there anything else that I could be doing? Thanks!
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male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Sounds like you have a good thing going on for you...just dont get complacent as relationships take alot of work and require constant attention,everything else will just fall into place and sort themselves out
All the best...
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