A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am 23 years old.i live with flatmates, the same age as me, i have for 2 years.i have a university degree, a challenging, satisfying and well paying job.the majority of my friends are single, love to party and are out socializing at every opportunity - as am i alot of the time (minus the single part).the problem i have is that, now and for as long as i can remember.. i feel that my life will not be complete until i marry a man i love and become a mother.this is not something alot of the people i know want, or agree with.. and part of me is thinking there is something wrong with me for feeling like this.my boyfriend is 28, everything i have ever wanted in a man, and wants the same things in life as i do. he is the man i will marry, and he will be the father of my children.my problem is, i guess, that my female friends - who have been the most important people in my life before i met my boyfriend.. seem to find this idea a little disturbing.i cannot help but to feel as though i am ungrateful to my feminist predecessors for feeling as though my life will not be complete without a husband and children.is there anybody out there who has married and had children in their mid 20's? is there anybody out there who feels as though being a wife and motherhood has enriched their lives rather than detracted from it?please tell me that i am not nuts.. that there are other women out there who feel the same as i do, and other women out there who have taken the path i want, and are happy and fulfilled by it.
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 I'm too in a circle of scholars and it is very interesting to hear and learn their rhetoric. I remember one of them saying she was pregnant and instead of the "congratulations" speech she got the "Are you keeping it?" question.
Truth be said there is no one path for all women, you have to choose your own and you need to let them know it is ok you are choosing different things. Feminism gave us the opportunity to acknowledge we could choose, I don't believe it was intended to MAKE us choose one thing over the other. I too had your question a couple of years ago (I just turned 30). What was the right path for me?
I went to visit my brother and he had a GF. She had a doctorate and was very knowledgeable, she had traveled to Africa and many other continents, she was making a lot of money, just bought a house in a great city. She had it all (according to some feminists thought). She had never married although she had had a couple of live ins. Thing was she was 40 and now wanted to have a child. She felt this was missing from her life and really needed that experience. Long story short, after trying for about 3 years, including in vitro and artificial insemination she was not able to conceive. It was then I found out I wanted a child more than I wanted a career (just needed a good father, which I have now). In my case, I also want to adopt (a lot of lonely kids who need some love and attention) and my spouse and I have agreed on this.
I am not saying you should rush either, you are still very young. But if you want to get married and you know your BF is the one, then go ahead. Give the relationship some time so it can get stronger and you can really bond (I am loving my relationship as a married woman with no kids yet). Two or 3 years after marriage sounds like a good time to have a baby. In that time try to baby sit for friends or family with your BF, that will let you begin to work on your differences regarding child care (believe me there are a lot) which will in turn make it easier when you have your own.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, ariad  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I wish I could be married and have two kids right now, I am 27 and I think it is better to have a family as younger as you can, I do not party that much and all my friends understand each other`s live, and we also enjoy time together, even though all my friends are married, except me.
enjoy what you have!
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Everyone is different and we all want different things but it does seem nowadays that the norm for some is to establish a career first and then settle down and have kids in their 30's.
I first married in my early 20's and had two children by the time I was 25. Yes they do enrich your life but they are hard work too and there does come a point in some women's life when they are ready to take their lives back a little and you become ready for work again, although some prefer to always stay at home and some return to work straight away, again everyone's different.
The benefit of having kids when you are younger is that you still have time to do things with your life. I didnt do my degree until I was 32, it took me 4 years but I enjoyed every minute of it and become a person rather than just a mum again, however in my final year I remarried and become a mum again. Initially I had a lot more patience with a baby then I did in my 20's but its hard at the mo as he his 3 and a half and a bit of a handful and many days I think, God Im too old for all this, but Im not really just feel it some days (40 in 6 weeks time)!!!! One thing I have found though is that I have a lot more money than I did at 20 so its been easier financially this time.
I think there are pro's and con's for doing it either way and nobody should make you feel bad or stupid for wanting it either way round. Its your choice and just tell your friends that whilst you value their opinions, they are just that and that sometimes with out realising it they make hurtful remarks. I cant count the number of times people upset me when pregnant at 36 people by saying things like OH MY GOD rather you than me or the thought of going back to that stage again, no thank you you must be mental. So just ignore them and live your life your way. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (11 June 2008):
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021293/How-mothers-fanatical-views-tore-apart.html
The full link
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (11 June 2008):
Here is an article that I discussed on my own private forum. It was written about the daughter of a militant feminist. The daughter wanted a husband and a family, and she has an incredible perspective.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... apart.html
Hope this links works here.
Last advice: Something I tell women specifically is Beware Your Friends. They do not care for your long term happiness.
-Frank B Kermit
www.frankadivceforwomen.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): To be a loving, devoted wife and mother is great.
I studied, travelled and really took advantage of my life whilst single. I was happy to settle down at age 28 when my eldest son was born!
All happens in good time!
Enjoy!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 June 2008):
If you are at uni then you are surrounded by girls who want careers and sex in the city lifestyles. It's no wonder they think you are mental.
I live on an army estate and I am the only woman without kids. It's a different world. As soon as you hit toddler group you will be surrounded by women who think girls who want to work and stay single are the mad ones.
Personally I know I'm too much of a kids to be resposible for bringing someone up 24 hrs a day but if that's what you want then it's no problem.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Well I'm 18 - have never slept around nor have any interest in doing so and am already looking for "the one". I dont look at pron nor do I have any interest in masturbating (although have during earlier teenage years). I don't think you're crazy at all, whatever you want to be happy in life is what you should strive for regardless of any other factors. Its your choice, nobody elses.
Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you.
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