A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi this is a follow up to a question I wrote on the 8th of May. Entitled I Know We Have A Future Together But she Says Just As Friends.About a week after I wrote this I started not contacting her and letting her get in touch with me which she did. Things felt like they were maybe getting back on track. We were more relaxed with each other again and enjoying cuddling and being together. I knew we weren't together but things were starting to feel good again. We strated flirting a lot again and we ended up having sex three nights out of a week. On two occasions she turned up at my house unannounced. It was good becasue we were being close and cuddling and she was running her fingers through my hair and we were generaly how we'd been. But after the first time she said she'd used me. But I had a feeling she was just saying that. To sort of protect herself or soemthing.We continued to be close and it felt nice. I knew things weren't sorted and I just accepted them for being good. And she even rang me one night talking about us having babies again saying she had found someone really special in me and I'd make a great dad but it wouldn;t be perfect as we'd have babies but not be together to which I said "What is so wrong about being with me?" she just said "You know what I mean" I would love a family with her I really would. And then she went away for a weekend and was really happy and sending me messages and being more like she had been with me when we got together.When she returned she said she had missed me and asked if I missed her and she said she'd been thinking about me. She also said she had nearly brought her things with her to stay over at mine but didn't.But over the week she seemed to get less keen again and last week was a bit crap. We seemed to be getting on fine and I gave her a book as a present. A book she had when she was young but had lost. And she was so pleased. On the friday she came up to me in the pub and was chatting with me and then the next day I went to her sisters boyfriends gig at a pub and she was there even though I thought she wouldn;t be and she was quite odd with me. Her sister ended up telling me that she'd said she was pissed off I was coming because I'd be watching her and stuff. Something her ex used to do but which I never would.Her sister also told me some quite hurtful things which had supposedly been said about me, so I confronted my ex about it but she put my mind at rest, then went to confront her sister about it all. I wish I had not been told anything. Anyway so again she is distant and it was coming up to my birthday and she had planned somehting which she said she now thought was inappropriate as it would involve staying in a hotel together! She ended up telling me what the birthday surprise would have been and it would have been amazing. The nicest thing anyone would have ever done for me to be honest and I told her as much.I pointed out to her that we'd still have a great time if we went and she said she'd probably end up getting grumpy with me (but she'd often get like that anyway) and said again about the hotel. Although she had been down to London recently with her ex in tow and they had stayed in the same room in a hotel! It was my birthday yesterday and she only left me a message in the morning, no phone call or text and she had gone for the break away that she would have gone with me but with her sister. I feel really bad she's not even been in touch.I care so much for this girl and I know we'd be amazing together if only she could sort her head out which had been the original plan when we had split up initially. I just want the girl I knew before back. Its all so very confusing. I keep hoping she will be drawn back to me again.She said when we were first together that the more she pushed me away the more she'd want me there and said that she wanted me there to catch her when she fell and things which is what I am doing. I hope I can catch her. I'd love to have any advice about how I should approach the whole situation and what maybe I should do. I do think it stems from her though rather than anything I have done. She changes her mind a lot very quickly. Do you think there is a chance we will get back together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure she is hung up on her ex. I mean he bullied her mentally and physically and belittled her and made her feel like shit. So I'm not sure that is the case.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Honestly it sounds like she is using you as a boyfriend substitute. She's still hung up on her ex and runs to his every beck and call and when he screws her over she finds comfort in you.
I say move on. I know you care about her but if she truly cared about you then she treat you this way.
Find a woman who appreciates you and what you have to offer.
A one-sided relationship never works.
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