A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't always know how to deal with my girlfriends depression. Some days, she's really happy and easy to be around, while other days, she gets in this deep depression and I don't know how to deal with it. She's on antidepressants and they seem to be working fairly well for her. At least for the most part. But she still has days where she won't get out of bed and doesn't want to talk at all or do anything. Today is one of those days. I called her and she didn't go to work or class. She just laid in bed all day. and when we spoke, she just seemed so blah. And I know, deep down, that I haven't done anything wrong. But it's really hard being with a depressed significant other. I have class and a lot of things I have going on in my life that I have to focus on. And I've noticed that when she's depressed, I start to feel depressed, myself. And it makes it hard to deal with the rest of my commitments. Is there any way to learn to separate myself from her bad days in a healthy manner? One where I'm not abandoning her yet I'm still looking out for me?
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female
reader, flower100 +, writes (16 January 2014):
Hi, I suffer from depression so I can give you her point of view. Everything and everyone sucks, the world feels like is crushing her and she wants to die. Now that that's clear and you understand that. Do you see yourself marrying her or does the relationship have an expiration date? If it does end the relationship now and move on. If its long term then you will have to put in work and be patient. First, you can't be the only person she depends on, encourage her friends to visit her. Second, plan dates. I'm not sure how tough your schedule is but have at least one day you can dedicate to each other. They don't have to be anything fancy, for instance, think of something cool to do call her and tell her you have something planned (take charge), if she refuses go then have plan b. Think about her depression like she's on her period(sorry). All she wants to do is cry, eat and hide. So plan b, buy her favorite snack, movie and cuddle with her on the couch and if she don't want to talk then don't talk. Third, encourage her to take up a new hobby. Lastly, let her be depressed, let her hide. Once she's over it avoid fights or even talking about it. Basically avoid any negativity around both of you, make jokes, compliment her, hold her but don't try to hard. Btw do not let her emotions affect you because this will only affect her negatively more. Don't feel guilty in putting your priorities first as long as you don't forget she's part of you. Try including her more. This works for me and the bf. He gives me my space and acts like everything is good even if I'm hiding in my room, he doesn't feed it and ignores it lol. Good luck :)
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