A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Everyone I know tells me to just move on. Even if my future self went back in time to tell me that it's not worth it, I would still continue. I've always took pride in having no regrets, but I'm at the point when I realize that there are special cases to regret something. That special case is when you can never fix something again.I don't want to drive you guys away with a long long story so Ill try to keep it short. I'm 19 and he's 25. We broke up because we were at different stages relationship wise. I can understand that since he's older than me and been through more. Before we started dating we were just friends for a week or so. Then we fell in love etc. He really didnt want to date at first bc he didn't want to ruin our friendship. But we dated anyways. During our 5 months of amazing, we spent EVERY day together. I'm being completely honest. And we loved it. We were really happy. Once we started attending school together I became a little more strict on him. I loved him but we were at that stage where we need to accept eachother's flaws. But those little things that bugged me led to small fights. I dont believe the fights necessarily lead to the breakup. But at one point he said he was unhappy. I really wish those times didnt happen.After we broke up I tried getting him back by just asking. But that was a failed attempt and he said he just wanted to be friends. At some point I accepted it and actually felt it was better for us. We ended up being happier. When we hung out once I asked if we could cuddle and he accepted. Two later times when we hung out we had sex. But the second time having sex he told me that we should probably stop because its only hurting me. After hearing that I was sad a bit and was quiet. Then I hugged him for a long time when saying goodbye to get in my car.Anyways that moment was only about a month ago. I wanted to hang out plenty of other times but he was always busy. 3 weeks later, I find out hes dating this girl who was his best friend. It was out of nowhere and I'm completely devastated. I found out by texting him straight up if they were dating and he said "pretty much". After that test, I responded with so many texts about how I love him so much but I fucking hate him. Just out of pure emotion. He replied by saying that I could at least be mature about it. I knew I screwed up but I continued. I really lost all chances at that point. I even deleted him on facebook. The only way to gain some sort of closure/hapiness before bed was to leave him a message. I left him a not annoying message on facebook about how i felt. I said that I want to try doing the friend thing again. It really wasnt a bad message.. it wasnt some I LOVE YOU COME BACK things. Anyways those are the 2-3 really big things that probably ruined all chances with us. But I believe that the world doesn't always have to be standard. I can NOT accept that there is no chance. As much as you guys think I'm screwed up in the head, the last thing I want are replies saying to give up. I really need motivation and help on getting him back.I would fine giving up if I didn't have these feelings for him. Theyre so strong that there MUST be some deep reason for them. I'm not willing to let go of something this powerful. I just miss everything that we had. I honestly don't beleive that the relationship ended right. It shouldnt have ended. We had a lot going for ourselves. We loved "us". We made so many good memories. we were mentally close. We did things that I cant imagine living without. We were an amazing couple. I just really need some support... or closure.. just anything to make this feel okay. I would definitely love some well thought out ideas for winning him back. It's hard to think that the only replis Im going to get are "give up"... but it is worth a try.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, facebook, fell in love, I love you, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 I could lie to you and tell you what you want to hear that there is some sort of miracle that will make him come back to you. But am hear to tell you the truth weather it is what you want to hear or not. The truth is he has moved on with his life now and you need to do the same. You say you are not going to give up but in the long run that is just going to hurt you more and more and the sooner you accept that it is over the sooner you can get your life back on track and move forward with things. You said the relationship was perfect in every way, but I think that is a delusional image you have, you are remembering all of the good times and blocking out the bad, if it was perfect well then you would never have broken up, but you did and there must have been reasons for that. When you were having sex and he said you should stop because you where upset, he done this because he knew you still had feelings for him and he did not want to be leading you on because he doesn't want to get back with you. Nobody can stop you from trying to win him back, but if he has moved on now, you are only going to be annoying him and driving him further away, you need to accept that he is with someone else now. However hard that is you need to give up and get over him. In time things will feel much better and nobody knows what the future will hold but for now you need to accept he is with someone else. If he truly loves you and feels the same way as you do well then he will come back to you, but I don't see this happening any time soon.
A
female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 You're only 19...you have a full life ahead of you. If he doesn't want to be together, then that's that and there's nothing anyone can tell you to do or how to act in order to get him back. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me when I was 21. I thought I was going to DIE. I wanted to die. I thought of every little thing to convince him to come back. I talked to our friends and tried to get them to talk to him. I changed how I was and everything, I even went to therapy. Guess what? He went on and started dating someone else. And I was angry and bitter. I left horrible messages on his voicemail and on myspace. I screamed and yelled and jumped up and down. I threw a huge temper tantrum and HATED him for years. I'm close to 30 now. I married and have a 3 year old boy. I still see that old boyfriend when I visit my parents because they live in the same neighborhood. He changed a lot, and at this point in my life I can say we would have never worked out. I grew up and turned into a different person. You will too. I know, you're 19 and you think you know everything, but when I was 19 I knew squat, and I bet when you're 30 you'll realize you knew squat too. The old boyfriend and I are on good speaking terms now, and I feel nothing for him outside of friends. He's engaged and I'm happy for him. Seriously, take this as a lesson. Remember it and apply it to future relationships. Dating is trial and error. You will make mistakes, and you will learn from them. You have learned being nitpicky and strict doesn't work. Next boyfriend, don't be that way. There is absolutely nothing you can do. And if he does have a change of heart, he's still going to be on eggshells with you because of your past behavior. And you really are coming off as selfish for wanting to put another person in a position they clearly don't want to be in. Just because it was the happiest time of your life doesn't mean it was the happiest for him. He doesn't want to be with you for his own reasons, and that's ok. Eventually you will find someone else and swear that person makes you the happiest you've ever been. Please, trust me.You're still a kid. Enjoy life.
...............................
A
female
reader, babu3u +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Well it looks like he is moving on since he started dating already. Maybe one day he will realize that he still loves you and made a mistake by breaking up. But most likely that won't happen. Even so right now you should focus on yourself. And see how can you grow with the experience you had. You can't be chasing him around and trying to make him love you back or try to change his mind. That is just going to hurt you and its going to damage what you have with him. I recommend you to not talk to him for a while and stay away from him. Focus in your life, family, friends, work, school... and after a while you can talk to him and see what he thinks about getting back together. Maybe he won't want to get back maybe he only wants to be friends, but remember you can't make him love you and want to be with you. He has to that on his own.I wish you the best of luck and I hope that whatever decision you make, make you happy.
...............................
|
