A
male
age
36-40,
*econdchance
writes:Is there any way to convince my ex to give me a second chance? My gf and I met 18 months ago and we ended up in a relationship literally over night.Our relationship moved extremely fast with me moving in within the first month. She is 7 yrs younger then myself. Her son was only 14 months old and I've been "daddy" from day one. I changed who I was to fit my new life. Gave up friends, partying (something I did nightly and had no intentions of quitting until i met this girl) changed jobs, I became a grown up (ha) and everything was going great, last month an old friend invited me out, I met up with old friend, hit the bars and spent the weekend MIA with friends. For the next week I went out after work and I did realize I missed my old,life, who wouldn't, leave work , grab some drinks, and party until you fell over and do it all again the next day but it wears on you quickly. My gf kicked me out and I understand why and agree with what she did.Saturday night she called me in tears that she was at the hospital,with the baby, he was sick and she was scared, I felt like a piece of shit walking Into the hospital. I should have been there with her from the beginning. Here she was in tears and I had been out at a bar. Logan climbed on me and cuddled for almost two hours. The moment I walked in and saw them I knew right then that this was the life I missed. Yeah, partying is fun but it can't last forever and when the liquor wears off your friends are no where to be found and you're alone. I told her how much I missed them and loved them and regretted being an ass. I explained how our relationship moved you quickly that I was scared (and I still am) I literally became a father and provider over night but as scared as I am I want it all back. I want to come home and play cars and watch movies after work, I want to be there when Logan wakes up at night scared. She was listening and forgiving em until she asked if I sleep with anyone in the month we were apart. I said yes and she said even though we were not together she didn't think getting back together would work out .Please help me change her mind
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 June 2014):
 You need to gve her space. the fact that she called you when the kid was sick she has feelings and is just hear the way things turned out.
I would also suggest you stay single and not start another line of partying because if she wants you back and say oops I slept again, then you know there is no hope.
Win her back. After two weeks of no contact, send her flowers and a message , tell her you stayed away to give her space and all you did was miss her and also tell her you have not been partying and seeing anyone else. Tell her, you hope she can forgive you and take you back but if she cannot you respect her wish and will leave he alone.
I am afraid this is all you can do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2014): I would say it is best to allow her to move on.
You're not the child's father, you aren't married, so you don't have the strong sense of moral-obligation that it takes to keep the family you've inherited by circumstance, together as a unit.
That's a big responsibility.
That was the test that you failed significantly. She doesn't care for you any less. You might have had a chance; if you hadn't slept with someone else so soon after you broke-up. I think you may as well keep walking.
She has no right to pretend you're Logan's father, or her make-believe husband. You have no right to expect a second-chance.
You don't ever have to revert to your old partying-ways. Neither should you wait, while she sits on the fence deciding one way or another. It is pretty likely she is not taking you back. I think it would be a bad decision for both of you.
Now that you've got it all out of your system. You've come crawling back with your head down, and your tail between your legs. They write country-songs about stuff like that.
Look at it this way. It is one thing for her to deal with men in and out of her life. What's more important, is that she also has Logan's feelings to think about above her own.
He's not your biological son; so who's to say another few months, to a year up the road, you'll miss your old-life again? Logan's getting older. He remembers things, and he is getting a better understanding of what it feels like when you're missing. He also has to get over you.
She feels betrayed. You had the mitigated gall to go out and sleep with someone else before you made any effort to mend your broken relationship. Now you're dragging a shitload of guilt and regret; and expect another chance.
Sleeping with another woman is the nail in your coffin, bro!
You've learned a valid lesson. Don't fallback on guilt; and expecting a second-chance just because you're sorry in hind-sight. When you decided to party-hardy, Logan and your girl were the last thing on your mind. She would be stupid to run that risk again.
You broke two hearts my friend. If she did take you back, you'll never really make it up to her. She could never trust you.
My suggestion. Move on, and get it right with somebody else.
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A
male
reader, Secondchance +, writes (17 June 2014):
Secondchance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone that replied. I'm so torn and I honestly have no idea what to do. She is an amazing girl and I love her and I want to be there for her and I love Logan and having him look up to me melts my heart. Before meeting her if anyone had of asked me if I wanted to be a father and settled down I would have laughed in their face. I had/ have a great group of friends but being mature and responsible cant be used in the same sentence when describing them. Being with them I am just as immature and irresponsibly as they are. And it is a great feeling to not have to worry about anything and just have fun and party but I am it getting any younger and I have a girl who is amazing and ready to settle down. I don't feel like there can be a happy medium between the two. I know if I hang out with them it's going to involve a three drunk binge and other girls and end with me feeling rotten and missing ten stable life. When I'm with her I have a great girl, picture perfect thing going on but I crave the old me. And not knowing if she will ever forgive makes it worse, I suck at the romantic crap and if I'm sitting alone at home I will end up going out with my friends. But I want more then anything for her to forgive me. I could have easily lied and said I didn't have ex with anyone else, she would have never found out. But I couldn't do that to her. And even after the I did have sex, she was the first thing I thought about. I knew how disappointed she would be in me.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 June 2014):
 "Convincing" her will be a Herculanean test of your REAL intents.... BECAUSE, if she sticks to her guns, then YOU are going to have to be an Angel for a long time, in order to be convincing... Think about it....
IF you stay nearby to her.... and exhibit actual real-man, real good guy behaviour, THEN you have a remote chance that she will re-consider. Slide in to that debauched lifestyle that you know beckons you..... and you might as well throw in the towel, now....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 June 2014):
 I think you're being too hard on yourself OP. There are no moral judgments on partying and there shouldn't be either. You're being a great guy by being a father figure for the child but then you're not obligated to do so because this is not your child.
Its obvious from your post that you have tremendous feelings of guilt. You're caught between your feelings for the child and the life that you want to lead and frankly, I don't think its fair on you to be the father and provider when you're obviously not ready for it. You haven't really done anything wrong, you just want your own life back.
I think the girl is expecting too much out of you. She's got a father figure and provider in you and she's placed too many expectations on you. To be honest, these are HER problems, not yours. You shouldn't be the one asking for forgiveness for wanting to lead the life that you want. But yes, don't commit to anyone unless you feel that you're a 100% ready. And if you feel that you're not, then leave for good and don't keep flitting in and out of the relationship because that's doing more harm than good for the child.
Don't let emotions wash over you, think rationally. Are you ready to give up your life for this girl and her baby? Are you sure this is the right decision? You've admitted that you've hurried into it, maybe its time to take a step back and think once and for all now. If you think that this is the life for you, then get back with her and be the best partner and father that you can be. Remember, its a huge responsibility that you will be undertaking. If not, then just get away from their lives and leave them to deal with their problems. You have no obligations whatsoever and you don't need to be apologetic about your decision. You tried, it didn't work out, you moved on. If anything, your ex should have placed these demands on the biological father of the baby, not on you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2014):
 Did you tell her how you feel?
I would give her a little time and space, to actually miss you.
And I think at any age people who are dating should have some time to go out with friends, see family, DO their OWN thing as well as be with their partner. After 17 years of marriage my husband and I have some time to ourselves as well as together and together as a family (with the kids). For me I would go out to dinner/lunch with friends maybe 1-3 times a month and hubby would do the same.
I think you DID move to fast and I do think she had incredibly high expectations/demands of you. Which in turn was like setting you up for failure.
Give her some space, but before you do that LET her know what you want, what you are willing to give. Then she can have a month or two (and I suggest you don't fuck around in that time period) to think it over. If she doesn't WANT you back after that, then you tried. It will be HER loss.
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