A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:(i posted a few days ago, but have reposted with extra details)my boyfriend of three years works very hard, and long hours. he has a son who lives with him, and money is tight. i also work but part time, i have three sons and we usually see each other every second weekend, as we live two hours apart by driving. if i visit his home then i get the train, he does the driving.he cheated on me two years ago, and it just now that everything has surfaced, i have been distant and angry, and untrusting with him for the last two months, we have been arguing usually by me instigating it.i went to his saturday gone and i told him all that i had kept inside me, (he never would talk about it), told him how when i found out that i was never truly happy since then, still happy but always had what he done in the back of my mind. told how that was the reason i had been acting the way i did. told him that now i had got it out of my system i felt relieved and free and i had let it go.he took it to mean that i had let him go, how i felt free of him. he said that i had hurt him. and that i had lived a lie for the past two years, (which i had by putting on a happy face, but he would not talk about it!). now he says he doesnt know if we can stay together because he cant trust me, that how does he know that further down the line say in 6 months time i wont be back to the way i was.i have told him that now its out my system i feel different towards him, that although i always loved him, now i can love him without the anger.i told him that i want us to be together, but he is now saying that he cannot afford to keep visiting me as he has so many bills he just hasnt got the money to do so, i have told him that i will do the travelling, i dont mind the train journey, he tells me to keep my money dont waste it on the train when i could be spending it on my children, i asked him if we are over, he said that he doesnt know what he wants, and he needs time to sort his life out.so i asked where that left me, he said that if i just give him time then he will let me know, but how can i show him i have changed if we are not together?he wants me to wait for him to give me an answer on whether he wants to be with me, he doesnt know how long it will take, and that will be once his life is sorted.i feel like i am in limbo land, he rang me last night (i asked him too) we ended up arguing, i kept pushing for us to be together, giving solutions but he kept saying he didnt know. in the end he lost his temper told me that we were finished. i said ok then bye and hung up.he text me straight away saying that i kept pushing him, that he loved me and that we always ended up back with each other.i txt back "sorry".today he rang me to say happy birthday to my son, afterwards i went on the phone, and it was awkward, nothing much really to say to each other.he said he would ring me later but i have a feeling he wont.is there anyway i can save this? what shall i do, whatever i say is falling on deaf ears, and he has backed right off. please someone give me good advice i really need it, because what im doing is deffinately wrong.
View related questions:
cheated on me, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 October 2009):
I think he is feeling very guilty, and wondering whether you love him because you didn't say all this at the time, and put on a happy face. He doesnt' understand why after all this time you said all this, and has now run away because he cant face it. That really says a lot about his character to be honest. He cheated, then when you finally felt you were able to talk about it, he ducked out and ran. Right now, his feelings are all over the place, and he simply can't talk about them and face them. So do just as he asks. Give him space. After say a month or so, if he still hasn't contacted you, then phone him and ask him how he's feeling. If he's still unsure, then it is over. Please don't wait around for him, because there is another guy out there who won't cheat on you, then have the nerve you run away blaming you. I hope this is helpful.
|
