A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were together all last spring 2016 and part of the summer, but we had known each other much longer then that and I am very close to his oldest son since he goes to school with my daughter and is alway over my house. It was his son that introduced us and wanted us to start seeing each other. My boyfriend did substain a serious brain injury several years ago, but the only noticeable affect is that he is bi-polar am deathly often makes very impulsive child-like decisions. Our relationship seemed to be progressing good enough even though his mood swings were kind of hard to deal with, I learned not to take them personally. In the middle of summer he out of the blue just dumped me for the woman who lived next door to him. I was completely blind sided by this because I didn't see it coming and I thought we were fine. He did not even give me an explanation, I just went over his house one day saw her in his truck and when I asked what was going on, he just walked in his house and slammed the door in my face. I am not the type to chase after anybody, so I just wnent away, but I was devistated and missed him horribly. I found out a month later from my daughter that he was seeing his neighbor. The thing between them didn't even last two month later and he was right back begging me for a second chance, so I gave him one. We have been back together since last October. He no longer lives next to the woman he dumped me for, but I have no doubt in my mind that he was still sneaking around and seeing her. I was about to leave him, but then suddenly everything changed. I could just feel that she was completely out of the picture and he started to treat me much better then ever and we have been going strong ever since. The problem is that since he and I have been back together he does everything possible to avoid spending anytime alone with me. He shows me no affection and I can count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex since last October. He says he loves me and if I back away he does chase me, so I know he does not want to lose me, but since he has been with her I feel like he is no longer attracted to me. I take this very personal, but if I try to talk to him about it he just blows up and gets defensive. I can call him anytime of any day and he will pick up. He is attentive in other ways and overall we get along great, but living without affection and feeling like he is not attracted to me anymore hurts worst then when he just dumped me. I don't want for this to be over, I just want for it to be better. I do love him. Does anybody know why he may be doing this and if there is anything I can do to remedy the situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): Thank you for your responses. I am happy when we are together and getting along, but that is becoming more and more rare. In general, no I am not getting anything out of this that I need and I am not happy at all. Why do I stay with him? Well I divorced in my late 30s, went through a 6 year long depression and thought my life was over. When I first started seeing this guy, before he cheated on me, I was feeling alive and happy again for the first time in forever. I still have moments where I feel that way with him even now, but they are always mixed with the extreme fear that the more I allow myself to enjoy these moments the more it will hurt when he rips my world apart again. No I don't want to live this way and yes I do know better then to let a man treat me this way. He blew me off again this weekend. Any discussion we had was through text only. I finally got fed up and told him it was over. I haven't heard from him since. I know everybody will say this is a good thing, but the truth is I am 46 years old. I feel like right or wrong, I just threw away my last chance of any kind of happiness in my life. Even if it rare happiness, it was still some kind of happiness.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (18 February 2017):
 What do YOU want from this relationship? How does that compare to what you are actually getting? Not very well, I am guessing from your post.
This man is allowing you to stay in a relationship on HIS terms. He does not appear to care what YOU want or need. If you dare to raise the subject, he just gets angry, so you have to back off.
Envisage your life in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years time. Is this how you want it to be? Or do you want to be in a relationship with a man you trust not to two-time you and who wants to be WITH you, not just have you at the end of the phone?
You KNOW you deserve better. Go and find it. Life is too short to spend settling for half measures.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2017): Hi, I am not quite sure why you are still with this man. He left you once for another woman, and then AFTER you gave him a second chance you were pretty sure he was cheating on you, still seeing her too? The reality is, he sustained a SERIOUS brain injury. That means that some of his behaviour may indeed be tied up with a child-like inability to understand commitment. It may mean that along with being impulsive in general (and in anger, as you say), he is also sexually impulsive, and may want you one day, and run to the neighbour the next. I feel sorry for this man, as the brain injury of course was not his choice, and some of this behaviour may be out of his control. However, I don't think that it is a good idea to stay with him, given these issues. Is it possible that you are staying with him because you do feel sorry for him? Perhaps you are a compassionate person and a caregiver. I admire this, but I think overtime his behaviour may become unmanageable. And you have your children and their safety to think of too, they can't have someone having impulsive tantrums in their presence.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2017):
 Is this how you see your future life? With a guy who doesn't WANT to spend time alone with you nor be intimate with you?
He might not do it on purpose, but he is making YOU feel like you are no longer "good enough" YET he isn't letting you go so YOU can find someone who WOULD appreciate you. Why is that? Well, I think:
A. HE doesn't want to be alone.
B You are one of the few people who puts up with his crud.
c. You aren't demanding.
But here is the thing, OP - IS he fulfilling YOUR needs at all? Not just for companionship (because ANY man -almost... can be a companion, but does he FULFILL you emotionally? Physically? Mentally?
It honestly sounds more like you are dating a "stray dog" that hit his head but you kind of like the company and felt sorry for it so you took it in. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
The fact that he dumped you in SUCH a RUDE manner and you took him back?! It's beyond me that you would ALLOW anyone to treat you that way. And that you would KEEP dating when you thought he was sneaking around STILL (after you took him back) with the other woman!? Why? And please don't say "I love him" because that is NOT a valid reason to let a man walk all over you, disrespect you and mistreat you.
Are YOU really happy with the scraps you get from him?
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