A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on the internet a few months ago, and he and I have been talking regularly ever since. Since day one, I really feel like the two of us have had a connection. Everything clicks. But recently things have taken a turn from genuine interest towards the sexual, and I can admit that I'm partly to blame (he'd mention sex, and, in the interest of flirting, I would keep the topic going). I haven't sent him pictures or anything like that, but I still know that I've said enough to rev him up.So, I've been wanting to meet this guy for a while, and he's ready to get together now...but only because he wants to have sex with me. It sounds awful, I know, but is there any way for this relationship to maybe return from sexual interest to our original real connection?I really like his personality and I don't want to ruin what we have, but I'm afraid it's a lose-lose situation now. Either I have sex with him and risk never hearing from him again or I say "no" and risk never hearing from him again. Help!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-pretended-to-be-young-when-really-he.html
That one has a lot of the same elements, only you haven't figured out he's a skeeve yet.
So guys who are trolling the internet for sex partners do it because it it's a low-risk, minimal amount of work for a potential high reward for them (the sex part). They pretend to be into a girl and get her to start talking about sex (which is what they are really after) and then try to go have sex with her.
If a guy is really into you, he'd want to take you out on dates, get to know you, meet your family, do all the courtship things that take time, energy, effort, and cost some money. This guy has invested a couple of hours chatting on the internet, worked his way around to getting you to talk about sex, all for what? A minimal amount of his time? He looks for naive and vulnerable girls, I'll bet he has a little string of them right now, you're just one of them, if you don't come through for the sex, yes he WILL drop you and continue grooming the next one.
The 'personality' you like is a fantasy he concocted to intrigue you and keep you hooked. It has nothing to do with the real him and you are being suckered into meeting a guy who has been planning to have sex with you from day one. You are being manipulated and managed by an internet predator.
You can't get him back to the fantasy because that's not what he is interested in. He's been running this from day one and you are just one patsy in probably a whole string of them. He probably succeeds in one out of 10 tries but that's enough for him to keep trying. A bunch of free messaging and some sweet talk and that's all it has cost him in terms of time.
You've met a creep, my dear. Run.
A
female
reader, xAngeliquex  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 If you guys have spoke for a number of months I doubt it has just been about sex has it? I'm trying to look at it from both angles. If it has then it's clear as day what his intentions are but what else do you guys talk about, and do you think he enjoys those conversations? If so, I think there is still chance if you do slow things down, when he tries to mention sex don't just go with it, try and edge the conversation away from that topic. If that overly frustrates him you'll probably know a little better where you stand.It's tricky, I felt like I was in that situation before, with a guy from the internet. Some are utter pigs, some aren't, and it is a case of luck whether you stumble across a pig or a genuine guy who simply can't wait to be intimate with you. The guy I met was the latter. I suggest you hold out though, don't meet him yet, I think with internet guys you need to be at the point of INTENSE feelings before you meet, when I say intense, I mean you need to be sure whether you are on the same page, and know each other inside and out. You have to work out whether he's genuine.Hope this helped.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (17 July 2011):
sounds to me that this is all he wants: sex. you have got to be very carefull meeting people off the internet. i would take a friend with you for safety, if you do meet him personally. i wouldn't meet him. what will happen if you meet up and have sex straight away? he will probably tell you he doesnt want a relationship. that all he wants in sex. Trust me, i've been there with my ex
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 July 2011):
 "Either I have sex with him and risk never hearing from him again or I say "no" and risk never hearing from him again. Help!"
You have hit it on the head, and he brought up sex first, so he has established his intentions regarding you. There's only one way you might have an outside shot, and that is if you SLOW things down. Don't meet him now. You've only been talking to him for a few months. How much do you know about him? Have you seem his Fb page? Have you verified that he is who he says he is, and that he doesn't already have a girlfriend? These things take time, and relationships on the internet should be conducted ultra slow.
Tell him you're not ready to meet yet without getting to know him a bit better. If he's only into sex, he will lose interest. If he's in it for you, you'll be happy you were patient!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 OMG no don't go there. It's time for you to say to him that you like him but you are not interested in sex with him just yet as you want to get to know him first. For sure if you have sex straight away you will not see him again.
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A
female
reader, msnewbeginning +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Don't feel pressured into having sex. That's your body and you have the right to refuse sex! You should explain to him before you meet that you don't want to have sex. Don't get there and act brand new...knowing that you guys have made plans.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): He brought up sex because that is his main interest. Risk never seeing him again, he isn't worth it. People who meet over the internet and bring up sex aren't interested in building a real relationship with you. You don't have anything with him except a bunch of emails. Take care.
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