A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedj12
writes:On 3 different occasions I found condoms in my husbands truck. To start with, ever since he got this truck it never left his side and after awhile I noticed he was going out of his way to make sure I couldn't go in there. He would lock it up and hide the keys and even sometimes sleep with the keys in his pocket! Big red flag! So I got a hold of the keys a few times while he was sleeping. (should also mention too that he got a 'secret' cell phone behind my back and ALWAYS had it hidden and pretended it was just for work and that he only had the sim card and lost it. B.S) anyways, the first time I found a condom in its wrapper under the driver seat. I questioned him and he said that it was his workers. That he opens up his broken wallet in the truck while they were driving and some of his things fell out. About a month later, I found an empty condom wrapper in the backseat of his pigsty mess tucked into a compartment. I questioned him again and he said it was another friend of his. That this friend found a box of condoms and brought it in the truck and blew one up as a joke. Then about a week or so later, I found a hidden compartment in the truck with a box of condoms (a pack of 3 with 1 missing. Which I found that empty wrapper in the backseat) and I also found his secret cell phone and a secret computer. I searched the phone and didn't see too much except for that he was looking to buy pills off the street. Which I already had a suspicion of bc he is prescribed oxys but I just knew he was taking way more than he should be. I could not get onto the computer tho bc it had a password and then he later on took it from me. Something else that happened months prior was that I found charges on his credit card for adult sex accounts which I hacked into and found a picture of him and his 'secret cell phone' number being handed out to soo many girls. He denied it all and blamed it on someone else and said they openly admitted it to him. I tried setting him up with a fake decoy girls account but he had hidden spyware on my computer and figured out what I was doing. Jump ahead 4 months later, I find he has knew sex accounts. Even going as far as putting up a pic of his penis on there and again handing out the phone number. He said he did it to try ans set ME up bc he believed that I was now secretly going on there and chatting with men. (even though I no longer had Internet access at the time at all). And one more thing, I got a hold of old call logs from the secret phone and he was calling prostitutes! His excuse was he was looking for his sister, then his phone was hacked from the same person who originally did the first sex accounts! I know I know. Complete bs! Then finally like months later he admitted to calling them bc he was so desperate looking for pills! I know it's insane that I'm still here but we have been together 5 yrs, have to young children and he is the bread winner and I'm the stay at home mom. So I don't even have access to money to even just up and leave bc his drug mess put us in so much financial debt. I'm stuck. I know he has a problem. He has gotten it under control now and is now around more and says he just wasn't himself bc of all the drugs and SWEARS he never cheated and only cared about finding his pills and was just extra paranoid and thought the sex accounts was a good way of trying to set me up. Although I have been nothing but faithful!! Thank you if you read all of this. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I want to go to counseling and he agrees but I truly believe he is in such denial and has become such a good liar that he will even fool the therapist! And he will stick to his story and that's that. I believe he cheated but I want to know if any of these things could be true? Girls prostitute themselves for drugs so they would know where to get them. Also the condom excuses?! Im going crazy everyday! I just NEED to hear the real truth so I can heal myself properly! But unfortunately, I mainly need the truth out of his mouth so I can get rid of the unanswered questions I have.Sorry soo long.
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condom, debt, drugs, his ex, liar, money, prostitute Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): his stories are so outlandish that of course he's lying.
you better leave him before you get REALLY hurt...yes he is using protection when he sleeps with other women, but nothing is fail safe. he could give you a disease, or he could get someone else pregnant. It DOES happen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): you have more than enough evidence that he is cheating...of course he is going to deny it, manipulate the situations and by all means, try and turn it around on you. Please don't be so gullible and hope all of this is not true. Women's instincts are quite accurate and a manipulative, cheating lier will say and do whatever it takes to convince you it's all in your head. Leave this guy, and think about what you are leaving...not much... considering how long this has been going on.If you really want concrete proof...purchase a voice activated tape recorder and duct tape it to the bottom of one of the truck seats when you can get ahold of the keys. Even if you have to wait for a few weeks to retrieve it and the recording time is all used up, you will get what you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 Sorry hon, you can listen to all his excuses but his actions tell a very different story.WIthout a doubt he is cheating. Okay so where does that leave you? Either you can Lawyer up and then boot his sorry ass out or you can continue with the lie of a marriage until he gives you some life threatening disease that he has contracted.By staying in the marriage just because you have kids is not giving the kids a good role model as well as the fact your kids will feel the tension and unhappiness in the home.Start by getting yourself a job, stashing money away ask for help from your family. You really dont need to put up with this kind of treatment.You say you love him - but I will tell you he doesnt love you. If he loved you he wouldnt be cheating on you. Do you think he even considers you when he is chasing another woman - definitely not. He is selfish and it is only his needs that he is concerned with.Sorry if I am being harsh but this is the reality of the situation.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (16 January 2013):
He's probably a sex addict on top of his other addictions. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it's more complicated than that.
What you have to do is decide if you want to stay with him and try to make things work, or leave him because you can't forgive him or don't believe that he'll ever change.
If you WANT to stay (not have to) then counseling is a must. They are trained at dealing with liars so don't worry about that. Tell him he either goes to counseling or you're leaving him and taking the kids with you.
Don't take his promises for anything other than what they are: hot air. You have to be serious about him following through or he won't be serious himself.
After all, condoms help prevent STD's but they certainly can't guarantee anything. Do you want him to bring something home to you and then when you do divorce do you want to have to tell your future husband you have this or that disease?
If you don't want to be with him any more it will be difficult but it's doable. I'm not an expert on that but I'm sure there is a lot of advice to be had from a quick Google search.
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A
female
reader, yupthatsme +, writes (16 January 2013):
You are smart enough and now you need to be strong enough. You don't need to put up with this. There are ways around money, but if you really want to make things work, then that man needs help and needs to change. I guess if you are wiling to forgive everything then nobody but yourself can make that choice.
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A
female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (16 January 2013):
You know he is cheating so now you just have to decide what you want to do about it. If you can aford it, it might be a good idea to get some professional advice. Things you might want to do are:
Save up some money of your own that hubby doesn't know about
Get a job if you don't already have one, so that finances don't limit your options.
See a lawyer or get legal aid.
Make copies of important documents.
Talk to supportive family members if you have any.
Don't allow his protestations of innocence fool you. Some people just don't have a prolbem lying and cheaters are amongst those people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): I'm sorry that is more than enough evidence that he is cheating. First and foremost, trust your gut instincts. I don't know if you've heard of the Moscow rules for spies, but one states that humans have an incredible ability to reason things away...meaning that some things are so obvious, but we choose to believe what we want to believe and ignore what is so blatant. I hope counseling works for you both, but know that there should never be a third chance for him. You are still young, don't waste another 10 years with him, you will regret it. My humble opionion, speaking from experience.
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