A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex fiancee broke up after over four years. We were engaged for about three years and living together for two. We had some problems, but nothing we could not have fixed.To cut a long story short, somebody popped up on Facebook a few months ago, things went downhill, they cheated on me and then I kicked her out. He is now moving in with her on a trial period, after them seeing each other for only four days (and talking online the rest of the time). Between the time of the cheating and moving in, they have not seen each other for over five weeks. (They live about 3 hours apart.) Her heart seems set on it, but loads of people are very confused about the whole situation.So my question is really simple... Is there any hope that she might come back? Or should I take the hint that if she is willing to break off the engagement, move out and invite him in that this is all over?I read all over the place that 'you can get your ex back', 'this is probably a rebound' and 'no contact' will help. Yet I see no evidence that anybody has actually succeeded or got back after such an incident.We talked for a few weeks and did stuff after the split, I made all the classic mistakes, but now I'm in NC mode. She is still contactable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses!
I think Emilysanswers sums it up quite nicely: "I think there must have been problems that you didn't know about and rather than talk it out and make the relationship work like an adult, she's acted like a martyr and then run away like a child."
Our relationship went very well until things went bad, so I think my position is that if she comes back soon I'll think about it. Otherwise no. Some people have said that because she is young, she might just be scared to settle. I'm prepared to be a bit tolerant, but I'm well away people should not do this kind of thing.
Though from the responses and other searches I've done - it does not look like anybody has ever been in a situation like this and seen things rekindle successfully.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I agree with Razor, I'd be saying "Whew that was a close call" if I were you. Goodybye to bad rubbish.
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A
male
reader, Razor  +, writes (7 December 2009):
That sucks...but she did you a favor man. She showed you her true colors before you had kids. I had the same thing happen to me...my ex left for her best friends husband. But that didn't last because they couldn't trust each other. She's on hubby number 3. She cheated on the second one too as soon as things got tough. I'm now happily re-married with 5 beautiful children.
So my advice...MAN UP, She's gone, even if she wants to come back she's damaged goods now, date casually until all of your feelings for her are gone. Once you reach that place, and you will sooner than later, then find someone and settle down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I agree with Emily, your ex fiance sounds a bit nuts and immature...my guess is she is one of those numskulls that thinks the butterflies you feel in the beginning of a new relationship is the real deal, love. Well, let me tell you is aint!
Those two are moving way to fast, they are too of a kind, impulsive and dumb.....the trial period won't last three months.
But if it were me I would take her cheating as a deal breaker and find a new gal. I think it is a bit of a red flag that you were engaged for so long but never married...not sure why that was, but the relationship must have had some problems that kept you from going ahead with the marriage. Sometimes it is best to face up to it's not working out and it won't work out and end things.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 December 2009):
To be honest, I think your best bet is just to move on.
For her to be moving this fast after your break up means she must have been thinking of breaking up for a long time. She's jumped out of this engagement like it was boiling water.
I think there must have been problems that you didn't know about and rather than talk it out and make the relationship work like an adult, she's acted like a martyr and then run away like a child.
Keep up the no contact. She probably will come back at some point when this new and exciting guy stops being so new and exciting and turns out to be a jerk.
But to be honest, I really hope that you've moved on by that point and tell her to leave you alone.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I don't think anyone can "get" their ex back. People only come back if they want to; you can give someone the earth, the sky and the moon but if they don't want to be with you, there's nothing you can do to change their minds. I would take her ending the engagement and moving in with this guy as an indication that your relationship is over; her actions have made this pretty clear.
Even is she decided to come back, would you really want a relationship with her anyway? If so, why?
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