A
male
age
36-40,
*yinglove
writes:I had been with my now ex girlfriend for a little over a year, the last 3 months however was long distance. We spoke basically everyday and I went to see her 4times in that space. I asked her if iI could move up to the same place and iif she felt it was too soon in our relationship I even said I would find somewhere near her and rent my own apartment rather than live with her. Anyway she said yes to me moving but not until after at least 3 months so she had time to find herself. I respected that and after that 3 months I asked her if it was time for me to move and she said no maybe we she just be friends after we had probably the most romantic week I have ever had and she had ever had. This hurt me and we decided to go on break but since then she dumped which hurt a lot I waited 4 weeks and tried to contact her but she still wanted more time I waited another 2 weeks and we contacted each other to talk about some bills and other crap before I asked and she said she is past it. I thought how can you be past it so soon and I think about you everyday. I asked what I did wrong and she said nothing it was just the situation being long distance, and my own health issues was a major problem aswell. You see I'm terminally ill with cancer but I had not given up hope yet because with her by my side I felt loved and cared for and strong enough to fight because I had a reason to fight on. Now I feel lonely, empty and weak and scared its all over. Most people may say move on, plenty more out there...who is going to want to start a relationship with a guy who is terminally ill and spends half the week in hospital? I want her back because I truly love her more than anything else but I need her back because without her I don't see the need to fight my illness. She is not a bad person for not being able to handle the struggles that came with my health, she did care for me and look after me more than anyone else for the greater part of last year. I think the distance became a big factor in that if I was sick she couldn't be there for me and it hurt her.What do I do now? Is there any hope if I keep trying no contact again? I can't accept this is all over when I know she loved once and love doesn't come and then completely go away. I don't want to manipulate her into taking me back but I want to be able to hold her in my arms one last time before I fade away and become a memory.
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male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 OK, this is heartbreaking. But you did want an answer so I'll weigh in.
I thought this part of your post held the key to the answer:
"who is going to want to start a relationship with a guy who is terminally ill and spends half the week in hospital? I want her back because I truly love her more than anything else but I need her back because without her I don't see the need to fight my illness."
Quite understandably, you want her back because she gives you hope. You are in a very unfortunate circumstances, and you are reaching out to her to be your beacon of light.
The problem is, that's pretty heavy responsibility to put on anyone. And it's probably too much for her. I am sure you love her, and your love in genuine, but you are also looking to her for hope, support, strength. You made it pretty clear in your post that she does not want to go back to you. She is trying to ease her way from you in an indirect way. Although it could be the hardest thing in the world...you need to respect that.
I have not been in your health situation, though I have found myself become dependent on someone who did not want any kind of romantic relationship with me. When a person is feeling vulnerable, he or she naturally leans heavily on those around him. But sometimes that person cannot support the weight.
I would let her go. You mention you have others in your life. Let them be your emotional support. If she is going to come back it will have to be out of her own volition. And ironically in not leaning on her anymore, you will feel stronger.
I wish you the best in your battle with this terrible illness. God bless you.
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