A
female
age
30-35,
*udrey21
writes:i have been with my boyfriend since may, we met hit it off right away and saw each other everyday. only 4 weeks after we met he had to move home to where his family was which is about 3 hours total on a train. i left the decision up to him about weather or not to keep seeing each other as i knew it would be difficult, he really wanted to keep seeing me and make it work. he seemed infatuated with me and for months it was great. i would mainly visit him i met his friends and family, they all loved me and i loved them. i had to make a trip to america in august to see my family and he ended up coming with me for a month. there were a few arguments and dissagreements here and there but everytime we made up it was like we loved each other more. he told me everyday he loved me and i believed him. i am crazy about him. he said some spending and money problems. we have talked about this and had some dissagreements. he needs to grow up, get a real job and work on getting his own place. i have held a grudge this whole time because he wastes money on drinking and friends instead of taking me out. i have brought this up to him several times and threatened him with it. when i did this, he apologized and freaked out that i was going to leave him, he said he was going to change and definatly needed to grow up and work hard and make the effort to treat me. he was with my family for a month in america brought hardly any money with him, my parents fed him and took him to nice dinners brought him drinks, they did everything to make sure he had an amazing time. when i got back to england we talked about everything , the same things over and over. i wanted to know if he was willing to make the effort to be with me i.e coming to visit me, taking me out, and just working hard and pulling his life together. he admits that he needs to. then for a couple of days we were talking normally and having nice conversations, i started to think maybe we ocould start a fresh and i can forgive him for what he has done and how he has treated me and he can forgive me for bringing the same things up. so tuesday night i finally asked him where the relationship was going and what he wanted and he simpply said he needed a break and that i needed it to. i kept saying no i dont i know i want to be with you, we can start a fresh. but that wasnt enough he said we will get back together he just needs some space to get his life in order. i dont do breaks its happened once before and he never spoke to me after that. what i need advice on is, is there any hope? if he came back should i even give him another chance? have i pushed him away by telling him to grow up? will he grow up for someone else or will he always be this way?? PLEEEEEEEEASE reply im heartbroken thanks guys
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female
reader, audrey21 +, writes (12 October 2010):
audrey21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thank you for both of your answers those really helped. I have recently been speaking to him and it isnt going anywhere last night we hung up and decided once again we will not talk. he said he will contact me. im not sure if he will but im NOT contacting him. He says he is changing for the better i.e job, car?? i think its all a game with him and we are both getting pretty nasty towards each other now so i am just slowly going to pick myslef up and get on with the special things in my life other than him. thanks you for your advice!
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 To be honest with you, he will never change to meet your expectations and the way I see it, I don't think there's much of a chance of things changing for the good with this guy.
I think you deserve better than someone who is financially irresponsible and allows your parents to feed and accommodate him.
I know you're young but the one thing that you should use to decide what to do here is to ask yourself what you want out of your future? Do you want a steady and secure relationship? Do you want someone who is financially responsible? Do you want love and happiness? If you do, then I don't think he's your man. You said yourself 'he needs to grow up, get a real job and work on getting his own place.' I personally wouldn't be getting involved with someone like that.
At the moment your emotions are ruling you, your heart and feelings are making your decisions. For true happiness and a positive future, you need to let your head decide what to do...you need logic.
And finally, he said he wants a break. What he means is that he wants to break up but he doesn't know how to do it and is hoping that distancing himself from you will ease both of you into it.
If I was you, I would sit down and think logically about whether there is any real future with this guy. If not (despite what your heart says) I would make a clean break.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, rachel2  +, writes (8 October 2010):
I dont know for sure, but I think mabye he is not on the same maturity level as you are..he is still really young and young at heart and is not ready to be serious and an adult man, working and saving his money..he just wants to do what he does, day by day, and have fun. when you threatened him and told him what to do, it could be that was too much for him and so now he pulled awayi think he must really like you but he is just not a grown up mature adult man..maybe a man who is somewhat older or more mature would be more on your levelits hard when two people like each other but they are on different levels, or have different needs/ values..it can turn into a tug of war, with one person feeling like they have to pull the other person to do what they want, and the other person resenting it. its better sometimes to find someone who matches more with what you need
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