A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, here's what happened.6 months ago, i started talking to this guy. I have known him forever. Well...almost 10 years now. I met him when i was 9. We used to play sports in the same country club but we were never closed with each other. It was definitely nice to reconnect with someone you have known for so long and got to know each other better. We would talk for 5 hours every day and he just seemed so sweet and genuine. After 2 weeks of chatting online, i admitted to him that i used to have a crush on him. hes cool about it and we continued to chat day after day. Then,summer break started. He asked me out to watch a movie and i said yes. we had a great time that day. later that night, we were chatting online and everything was great. A week later, he asked me out to play golf. the weather was so bad that we didnt get to finish. But, i had fun and he seemed to be having fun as well. I knew that i liked him and i guess he sort of realized that too. So, I sent him a message to tell him how i feel. All the sudden, hes gone. just disappeared. i tried to chat him online but he just wouldnt reply any of my messages. i was upset and that kind of ruin the rest of my summer break. Summer break's over and i got back to college. I was trying really hard to move on and just wanted to focus on school. But, guess what happened this monday? He said hey to me over msn. out of nowhere. He said hes having some family problems and his life was "falling apart". When i asked him what happened, he wouldnt tell me anything. i then asked him if he ever got my "message". And here what he said:"I did but it was just at a bad time. Its not that i dont like you but i just dont want to get into long distance.(he lives 2 hours plane ride from me)And honestly, i dont want to date anyone until i have sorted my problems cuz i dont want any girl to suffer with me if you get ehat im saying."so, my questions are1. was he genuine or was it just a bunch of excuses?2. he didnt talk to me for 3 months+ and all the sudden, he popped out again from nowhere. what does he want from me?
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crush, long distance, move on, msn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): If you ask me, your honesty (and credit to you for having the balls!) freaked him out a litte bit. Now that could be for two reasons: one, the negative option: that he doesn't like you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, so he said nothing, or two, the positive option: he genuinely was having some problems and didn't want to get involved.
Whichever of these the answer is, it was still pretty unfair of him to wait three months to give you an answer that even then is evasive and vague. From what you say, the guy obviously likes you on some capacity, be it as a friend or more; but guys don't exactly respond well to pressure, and if he is having other issues in his life, a long distance relationship isn't going to be much more than a burden.
Sorry to be the one to bring you down but I'd say you and this guy are better off as friends. Spend your time finding someone who lives near you and won't make you wait around for him.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Ok so it looked like he really cherished you as a friend and then when you told him you liked him it looks like it rocked him a bit and he went cold and stopped talking to you because thats how guys go, so i take it 3 months later he saw the oppertunity to talk to you again and plucked up the courage to mail you, who knows maybe it might be excuses but it looks like he just doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, probably because of the distance and he doesnt want to hurt you. Maybe he is having problems but all you can do now is accept him as a friend and try and push your feelings for him a side.
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