A
female
age
51-59,
*Whitehouse
writes:My name is Kate,I'm 42 and my husband,Stuart is 31 .We've been married for 8 years now but we've been a couple for 13. We don't have kids because he never wanted any.Our relationship has always been difficult due to our age gap as well as our different personalities. We've never been able to get along.As a matter of fact in the beginning of our marriage we argued non stop. 1 week towards our marriage he threatened to divorce me which is something he's always done-he's always threatened me whenever I don't share his opinion or oppose him about something. To say that I've always been his slave would be an overstatement because he's not and has never been an abusive man,however,he made me submissive,he made me follow his rules in this relationship.The same thing applies to our sex life-whatever he likes goes,my preferences and fantasies don't matter and despite that i enjoy making love with him.He's always told me that he has more rights than me as he's the dominant gender.While we were still dating,about 10 years ago,I worked as a High School teacher and he was still a student in University. Unfortunately,for him,I had to quit my job because he saw me shaking another teacher's hand after a meeting who happened to be a male,when picking me up from school so he flew off the handle and started threatening to leave me if I didn't quit. I had to choose between him and my profession so obviously I chose the love of my life.He said he wanted to support both of us after he graduated from University because this way he'd be sure I wasn't cheating. I had to put up with that,even accept it so a couple of years later after he graduated he became a dentist and to this day I'm nothing but a housewife.I've always wanted kids but as I mentioned in the first paragraph he didn't want any.Me and him discussed this many times and his answer was always: "I don't want kids,I was not cut out for that" and he's always been conflicted and the last time we talked about it(a couple of years ago) he threatened to leave me if ai didn't accept his final answer. Even though I was in tears and didn't feel complete I chose to be with him again because I just love him so much.At that moment,though,I was sure he didn't love me.This has always been an unreciprocated love and despite that I still love him and can't imagine my life without him.Recently, he's made a habit of coming home late from work.He told me he had busy days.I believed him the first two weeks but then I started getting suspicious.Deep down inside of me,I knew he was cheating on me but I didn't want to believe it so I went to his work to see what was happening,he wasn't there which raised my suspicion even more.I looked for him for quite awhile,I asked his coworkers if they knew anything but unfortunately they didn't say a word.I met his best friend Tom later on,he told me to calm down,sat me down at this cafe and told me everything over a cup of coffee.He even showed me what his "mistress" looked like.She was younger and prettier than me.At that moment,I knew that Tom wanted something from me,otherwise why would he be so nice and honest I mean he's best friends with my husband.It's safe to say I was very distraught and vulnerable so he took advantage of me.We ended up going to his apartment and having sex that night.The following day,I felt guilty and even though I only cheated once unlike my husband who cheated many times I still couldn't tell him because I knew he'd divorce me right on the spot.I made a mistake and shared this piece of information with Tom so he's been blackmailing me ever since.I'm still having an affair with him,moreover,he blackmails me into doing dirty things with him like giving him blowjobs in my kitchen, in his car,he's made me dress up as a dentist and pretend like I'm his sexy colleague and whatnot.I feel like a whore,so ashamed and guilty but at the same time,I enjoy having an affair.I'm getting back at my husband for everything he's done to me and everything he hasn't.Yesterday,when he was obvioulsy gone,I spoke to him on the phone so he told me that Tom would be coming over that night with his wife for dinner but might come earlier than him as he was "busy",at that very moment I was on my knees blowing Tom(obviously not while talking on the phone)and my lips were coated with Tom's sperm.I was feeling so naughty at that moment so I was giggling and told my husband that Tom already came to which me and Tom started laughing which left my husband confused. When I hung up the phone I went back to giving him a blowjob.At dinner,I felt miserable and ended up crying in the bathroom.I never thought I'd ever end up being a whore and with such an unhappy life.Today,I feel like I have to divorce my husband once and for all and end this affair because I don't feel complete and happy.I regret nothing I've done because he cheated first and mistreated me for such a long time.At the same time I love my husband and just the thought of me being without him makes me distraught.I would gladly start over with him but if he finds out I had an affair like him he will never forgive me unlike me-I can forgive him. What should I do?
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female
reader, Mina_Bhamji +, writes (10 November 2015):
 Both of these men are taking advantage of you in different ways, and gig know what they say "the things you take for granted get taken" and that's exactly what's happened, you ended up with another man whose just as bad as your husband.There's reasons to why he is so adamant to making you submissive, so he can have that full control of you and do what the hell he likes. That's not right, and getting off with the friend is not right either.I would come clean and not regret coming clean about it, be a woman of your actions rather than a wuss like your husband is. Then take your dignity and your worth and divorce that guy!You deserve better treatment than that and you are not going to find that treatment with your husband or his friend. No point rekindling something that's already broken.
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (9 November 2015):
You are living in a compromise. But I agree that you need to get out of your relationship. I'm very sorry, but what's going on at your end is really not healthy. I'm sorry to say so, but it's never really been healthy. There is no dominant gender first of all. I know you say you love him, but sounds more like you're just used to him and are more scared of being alone than being with him.
You really need to stop and see you relation for what it really is.
As harsh as it is, my suggestion is for you to get that divorce and find yourself a nice man, who actually cares for you. Not just someone who is dominating you or blackmailing you.
Please take care n good luck
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