A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im wondering If anyone can help my sitation, I was I in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4yrs. He left me 2 months ago, I found out lasy year he was having a affair with a married women for about 7 months. Any way He pleaded with me to work things out which I did,but after we sorted things out he wouldn't have sex with me.This started happening shortly after getting back together,Now I don't know where I am with him, he contacts me via text. He has been round mine a few times since we split, and has wanted sex with me and I said no as im not going to be used.He said hes not using me,that he cares about me and get angry when I say that.He said we are over and then he says he don't know what he wants. I said I cannot put up with the emotional up and downs.To day he contacted me and said he went to see women he had affair with last year,cos she keeped emailing him, he told me that they wanted to clear up some unanswered questions. I said why are you telling me I don't want to know after all that he says that they hurt two very special speacial people, my self and her husband.Her husband stayed with her, he says he cares for me alot and wants me to be happy and safe. I still love him Is there any hope for us?He is back living at his mums By the way im 40 and hes 34.He said when he left me he loved me but was not in love with me.I don't know what to do move on or not he came round a few nights ago sleeped on settee, when i got up in morn he had laft me money on table.Im as confused as him please help......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): There is always hope but he doesn't sound to good a guy, won't pay his way because you won't have sex.I guess you have to say is this how I wan't to be treated, I don't think you will, and that is your answer. How do you wan't to feel and be treated.He as you say has hurt two other people who didn't deserve such treatment, go find a companion who allows you give the love you have and he will enjoy that, this man does not deserve your love or sympathy.
A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 He has caused you far too much pain and it will never change. The best thing to do is end the relationship, yes you will be upset for a time afterwards and lonely but stop all contact with him and make things easy for yourself.
You say he left you money on the table after he had spend the night on the settee i think this was a gesture from him saying he was prepared to pay his way as you had not slept with him that night but i wouldn't let that sway you honestly he is not worth your trouble!
I think if you are not number 1 in his life what is the point you could be for someone else who would treat you with respect and show you the love you deserve.
Be strong with yourself and you will feel fantastic at the end of it knowing you ditched the looser. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, LaStrella  +, writes (26 February 2009):
You need to move on with your life. Or... you can continue to allow him to come to your house at his convenience. While you wake up each morning in the same condition Confused, alone & feeling used.
He's not confused, he knows exactly what he's doing. The words came out of his own mouth, "I Love you but am not in Love with you." There's nothing more from him that you need to hear. That alone says it all. Your not a Stop N Go. Don't let him come in & out of your life at his convenience.
Give yourself the oppertunity to meet a man who will Love and Respect you.
I wish the best for you.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 He left you money?! For what? "Services"? Honey, you have given this fool ample enough time and space to realize whether he wants to shape up and be with you. Be done with him and find someone who can love you and be in love with you.
What a lame line....
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