A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Been in a relationship for a few months now, he comes here ever other weekend as we are about an hour and half away from each other. I have kids and it's all pretty cool with them too. We also try other bits of time, face time a lot and text and call a lot too.I'm just finding I'm a bit bored. We don't do much- although both say we should make more effort, but the big chunk of time seems too much, with our time apart being too much too- there's no middle ground. He's happy for me to cook and provide for him when he's here, and only really contributes if I force his hand, like not getting my purse out at the check out for instance then he will. He's a bit stingy, but then I'm very free with my money generally and really it could be he's not stingy he's just more careful and not one to fritter his money on expensive coffee out etc whereas I think nothing of it.Talking to him would be hard as he'll take it all personally and would likely end in an argument. I just I'm too accommodating and maybe I should just not be?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 Why don't you and the children go visit him more often, see how accommodating he is?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): Well, like in business; you give it a trial-period, and assess the pros and cons. He lacks generosity, that's an important character-trait. He must be willing to share and to give. A gentleman does not wait for the lady to pull-out her purse! You either split the check, or pay for the date. Stop being so quick to take the check; offer to split it if you think he's on a tight-budget. Otherwise, he's just taking advantage of you.
You're bored. He doesn't try to be creative or find ways to keep you stimulated and entertained. He just wants a good home-cooked meal; and a place to squat other than his own.
Now the worst item you listed in your post most concerning!
Talking to him would be hard, as he'll take it personally.
He should! He's a tight wad, buries his wallet, and on top of that you're afraid to speak frankly or communicate your concerns. My dear, what is the point of dating and getting acquainted? It's to seek the qualities in people you need to be your match, it's to evaluate their character, and it's to show them what you have to offer. When the scale tips too much in one direction, and never balances? He's not a good match.
If he was, you wouldn't have to write a post to DearCupid to ask what you should do.
If he doesn't bring out the best in you, if you don't feel excited when he walks through the door, and if he doesn't show you respect and affection. He's a dud. Let him go.
Never settle for little to nothing, just because you fear loneliness is your only option. If you still feel lonely with somebody around, you can do bad all by yourself.
Settling for a man who gives nothing of himself, is just giving into desperation. You have more to give; therefore, you deserve better.
Take the chance of talking with him. Decide to split the cost of your dates. If you invite him out, spring for the check. If you feel nothing for the guy, and he's just a lump on your sofa; don't feel bad about ending it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2017):
 I think you can LIKE someone and not want to BE with them or not be a good match.
In your case? I think it's not what you really wanted, but you gave it a go. I think people know after a few months if there are chemistry and compatibility or not. Your case? maybe it's more "not" so great a match.
So why drag it out? If it doesn't feel like something that can grow into more, end it and start over with someone else.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Maybe you're not well matched - that said, it's still a new one. Try dating each other properly, rather than settling into it so soon.
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