A
female
age
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*Lady
writes:It's been a long while since I've been on this site, and I find myself coming back for advice on a different topic because the advice I have received here has been so beneficial and helpful to me in the past. It took me a long while to get over my previous interest, mostly because I had to for my own benefit, as I saw that it was going nowhere and we were both looking for different things in our lives. Anyway, I've recently met a widower (I met him a few months ago on a dating site). I too am a widow 9 years now. His wife passed away after a long illness about a year ago. We have been out about 5 times in the past two months (dinner, movies, shopping, etc), and we talk on the phone a few times a week (he is not a texter, thank goodness!). He is a nice person, lives in his own home about 30 minutes away from me, has married children and a few grandkids that he is very close to, works in his own business, has a place down south that he goes to a few times a year for about 10 days (he kept in contact with me when he was there recently). My question is this...he is a very nice guy but our conversations flow mostly around his family, his work, etc. Once in a while he asks questions about me. He is a perfect gentleman, pays for everything, respectful, etc. We have common interests as well. I am in my mid 50's and he is 62. We went out last night for dinner and he maintained more eye contact with me than he ever had before...I noticed that. How long should I continue to expect things to just flow the way they are now? He knows that I am looking for a long term relationship and to date only one person, and he is as well. We are both still on the dating site but I notice he doesn't visit it too often, and neither do I for that matter. I just feel that I should keep my options open because that was my mistake in the past with others I've met. I would like this to go further as we have so much in common and I feel he is a great catch and I feel I am too. Any advice on widowed people dating at our age? I've been letting him do the bulk of the work...calling, asking me out, etc. I did ask him to attend an event with me, but he was working and couldn't make it at that time. Any advice would be helpful, as I would like to move things along a little faster but don't want to scare him away either. Maybe it's because he may not be as ready as I have been and is just getting back out there again after being married 40 years. That's a long time, so it must be awkward for him dating again..I could only imagine!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): Maybe he just want companionship and nothing else. However its early days and also as you said he has been widowed more recently than you after 40 years of marraige. He is still a man from the older generation, so his out look on dating will fundamenatly be that what he was used to when he was young. Dont try to rush him or try to get him updated on how things are done now, cos although i am young, i think your generation were better at respect, manners and getting to know each other before jumping into bed!
Goodluck I wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, KLady +, writes (20 January 2013):
KLady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFast forward a few more months.... We still talk once a week on the phone, and we go out to dinner or a movie a few times a month. I do enjoy his company and dating him, and have told him that. If we happen to see people that he knows while we are out, he introduces me to them by my name. He has not yet mentioned me to his married children, but he has told one of his close friends that he has been seeing me. His wife passed exactly one year ago this month. Both of us are still on the dating site, but we haven't been very active with seeing others. I want to let him know that I am open to seeing him and only him, but don't want to scare him away. I also know I'd like to see more of him and do more things together, but he is busy with his business and family, and I work full-time during the week. We live about a half hr away from one another. As I mentioned earlier, we are middle-aged, but I know that I need more than what we currently have going...perhaps because I'm at a time in my life where I've been widowed longer than he is. How long do I wait, and how do I ease into a conversation with him about this? He is the first widower I've dated, and I don't want to pressure him, but I also don't feel comfortable being on the dating site and showing him I'm open to meeting others when I have told him I enjoy his company. I have learned from past mistakes with others that I should keep my options open just in case. I have invited him over once and he seemed hesitant, so I dropped the issue. Any advice would help. Thank you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): I can relate to what you're saying. My husband also passed away, it is going on 10 years. Dating has changed so much from when I dated years ago. I'm still single, been dating the same man for 2 1/2 years but the relationship isn't progressing.
I'm sure it is hard for him to be dating again & if his wife died a year ago, he may still be dealing with her loss. Really all you can do is take it slow. Let him know you're interested, maybe invite him over for a home cooked dinner.
In the meantime, keep your options open, if someone else asks you out, there is no harm in going.
Good luck.
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