A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a cupboard in his bedroom which he locked. In it I found butt plugs, a mouth gag, huge dildos, handcuffs, double penetration toys and other things I can't even put a name too. I haven't said anything to him, but it's put me right off him sexually. He pesters me for anal and I've flatly refused as it's painful and a complete turn off for me. He thinks I'll come round, which I won't. He obviously did these things with his previous partner and it upsets me to think of what they got up to. Am I being too sensitive? please help x
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): evrybody has a fetish of somekind.you are guilty of invadeing his privacy and vilating his space.we all have secrets.he needs to respect your wishes,but you were wrong to begin with.LOOKS LIKE YOU FOUND MORE THAN YOU CARED TO FIND OUT ABOUT HIS LOCKED SPACE.his past is his past.dont judge the guy for what him and his ex did,that will just eat you up inside.let that part go
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for your help and advice. he brought the subject of anal up again recently and i told him there was no way and i was as serious as a heart attack. i also said if it was to frustrate/disappoint him in the bedroom we can split up now cos it isnt happening ever. he said ok baby and were still together for now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): No you are not. Don't do anything that turns you off. Why has he got all these things still? I would ask him that question and make sure there is nobody else.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 November 2008):
I think that without breaking into his fetish-cupboard you have already discovered that you are not going to be compatible sexually.
And unfortunately that can mean a relationship is never going to be completely happy.
I am the same as you - anal is just too disgusting to think about to me. Other people can have it, but not me. I had an ex who started talking about it after our 3rd date. I made it clear that it was NEVER going to happen and the next time I saw him he asked if we could see other people. I said I'm not the kind of girl to share so we ended it then and there.
Is your relationship going to be worth it if you always know he's resentful that he's not getting what he wants?
Think about the future with him very carefully.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (8 November 2008):
 Because you have bothered to post this, it seems to me that you are very uncomfortable with the idea of using these sex toys or being with someone who likes this kind of thing. I would not feel comfortable about this either and if this is how he gets his enjoyment perhaps he is not the chap for you. I accept he is not going to like the fact that you have gone into his cupboard but I would raise this subject and say it is something you are not into and see what he says you can then take it from there. If this is something he enjoyed with previous girlfriends it is likely he will want to use these things on you at some stage, the pestering for anal sex is just the start and if you don't want this I would calmly explain that you are not into these things and start looking for another boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, blackroses2989  +, writes (8 November 2008):
 Well, my advice to you is that if you dont want to do it, then refuse. If he keeps pestering you to have anal sex with him and you truly arent comfortable with that, then I would threaten that if he doesnt take you seriously you will leave. If he tells you to go ahead, then the relationship from his point of view may have just been sex based. ( i dont really think these extremes would happen, but you need to make it clear you wont do it.) As far as what he did with his other g/f I see why it would bother you, but you really cant let it. You and his ex are two different people, what works for her and satisfies her sexually just doesnt do it for you and thats completely okay. If you want to open up new doors to sex, then you need to do it on your own time, if you want to at all. I hope that helped at least a smidgen. Good luck sweetie~~~
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male
reader, hayual +, writes (8 November 2008):
If you're not into these sorta things, it sounds like there is going to be big compatibility issues in the bedroom- which is very important. You'll feel pressure and likely resentment and continued pressure + feel uncomfortable with the things that he's really into and he'll start to feel upset/bored/frustrated that you're not willing to participate in his idea of a sexually fulfilling relationship (which is completely fine for to feel this way, but it's not fine for you to have to feel that way and for your bf to have to feel that way).
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 November 2008):
 If you are not into the described and implied sort of activities, it would seem prudent of you to think about seeking another and more compatible relationship.
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A
female
reader, wildcats21 +, writes (8 November 2008):
umm...okay...I don't think your being too sensitive. I have dated a guy that was so greedy for sex that he asked my best friend to have sex with him one day at a park when i was shopping! If i were you..I think i would confront him and talk to him about it....but....before you do that please take into consideration that if you do that he may get mad at you for going through his stuff.
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