A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im a college student and have worked for the football team at my school for over a year. When I first started I had a lot of the guys hitting on me and I liked the attention but wasn't looking to be the "football whore". One of the players I took an unexpected liking too, after a drunk night...It was my first since my very serious and hurting break up with my ex 4 months prior. So i was not looking for anything. It will be a year in August since this football player and I have been FWB. With our relationship its always been a little more than just straight forward sex. We cuddled, kissed, held hands, all that stuff. But I learned to suppress the feelings because I did not want the relationship after being hurt so bad, plus hes a football player, they're known to cheat.After a few months his visits became minimal, once or twice a month. before he would come over multiple times a week and it was a serious booty call. He would kiss me whenever he walked in my apartment and kiss me good-bye when he left. He stopped doing that. I liked it because it made me feel wanted I guess. And when he stopped is when I realized I really had feelings. So I stopped texting him and talking to him which led to going a full month without seeing him until he wanted to come over. By this time I thought I was over the feelings, but every time he has text me out of the blue I get a huge smile and can't wait until he comes over. Just 2 days ago he came over, at a very early hour for our relationship. After we did what we needed we watched movies, comedies, laughed, cuddled, grabbed a bite to eat and so on. All those feelings I've masked came right back. And i found myself missing him the minute he left the next morning and I still am now.My friends say we'll get together because of the way he talks to me, says he misses me and some other stuff. But I think because this FWB thing has lasted a year it would be too awakward to start anything along with the fact he is graduating in a semester. I also don't know how he feels, if the things he does and says when hes with me is just "sex talk"..AND I can't tell if I'm just getting emotionally attached. Is there a way I can figure out how he feels or should I just dive in and ask about "us"?
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booty call, drunk, my ex, player, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): It's not a real relationship just because he fucks you, or cuddles you, or kisses you, or anything else that he does when you are with him. It only becomes a real relationship once he officially stops doing all those things with anyone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I am afraid of rejection..I don't even know where to start with asking him to just hang out. My roommate is in a relationship that started out FWB but she's 19 and the relationship got serious after three months. Once august rolls around I will be seeing him everyday for football. I just think its awkward but I do want to find out where were going. Thank u for the advice, ill give it some more thought and try to figure this thing out that's eating at me
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): If I were you, I'd test him by seeing if he feels up to casual dates, cuddling, watching movies, WITHOUT the sex afterwards. It will test his commitment to you and his reaction could clarify exactly what he wants when he seeks you out. The cuddling/affection is pretty much unavoidable after sex, because you're body is charged with so many hormones, so create some kind of plan to test him. It'll also make you feel in control, like he's dancing in your palm. That way, if things go badly, it won't hurt so much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): think this all boils down to fear of rejection? so are you willing to take the risk and ask. and just say" I want to make this exclusive how would you feel about being boyfriend and girlfriend". I think that you could probably find a couple that started out as friends with benefits for one year and ended up boyfriend and girlfriend and are happy now. I think the woman is very capable of knowing what point of the relationship she is in. if it looks like a duck and acts like a duck sound like a duck it's a duck. I would say ask your friends but they said it's a duck too. good luck hope it works out well for you .
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