A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm irredeemably serious and kind of shy. There's a girl I really like who's very outgoing and fun-loving (though I think she sometimes withdraws to just be alone for a while - not sure), and I'm just not capable of flirting. Shyness isn't so much the problem: I can be perfectly conversational with a serious topic, even a little heartfelt on things that I care about. I just do not know how to flirt. Even if I knew how, nothing about that comes naturally to me. I don't ask her out, because I can't really do that if I don't have a basis for doing so, and building a romantic basis for doing so would seem to require the ability to have flirtatious/romantic conversations with her, instead of the serious/basic conversations I have been having.Is there a way to proceed without flirting? I actually think very romantically, but can't really express that unless I'm already in a serious relationship with her...
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Flirting isn't just about having great chat up lines etc or necessarily just about what you say to someone. For me flirting is a smile, a lingering touch, laughing at a terrible joke!
trancedrhythmear is right though, just be yourself. To be honest girls get turned off by big flirts anyway, because they will literally flirt with anyone! You say that you can think romantically, maybe you just need some time with someone and that'll develop and maybe your flirtatiuos side will emerge and a comfortable rate.
Just don't try and be someone you're not, good luck dude!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Interesting guy. I like it man you have some style. Bro just be yourself. If you dont flirt, you dont flirt. Theres no problem with that at all. Just keep trying to genuinely get to know her the way youre most comfortable with....there's no textbook way, regardless of what american society norms state (which a lot are bullshit btw) that says "How to win over a girl". Be yourself and stuff will shape up. If she doesnt come around, that just simply says shes not for you and so dont get down, youll find a good girl. Good luck :)
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