A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sort of embarrassed to ask this, but has been on my mind. So months ago I signed up on a site where I met a man from another country. We have skyped before and talk virtually everyday Now he's told me, he and his boyfriend have an open relationship going on. And so they like to sleep around with other guys. Turns out over time I have developed a huge crush on him and not only that but he's expressed he wants to be intimate. I have only had one sex partner, but I I am just scared because he is planning to visit. And I am scared to be rude and ask him if he is HIV - because at this point I am sexually attracted to him, but his history scares me. Is there a way of asking a guy if he's tested and free of all those things? Or should I not risk acting on my impulse and do nothing altogether?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 January 2012):
 I'm with So Very Confused on this, just outright ask him if he's been tested.
This is standard questioning in any homosexual or heterosexual relationship.
There's no nonchalant way to go about it, with him catching the underlying message. This is something that you HAVE to be straightforward about.
Then he needs to provide evidence, because people tend to lie and say they've been recently tested when they really haven't.
Protect your health and well being!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): "Is there a way of asking a guy if he's tested and free of all those things?"
Ask him if he and his boyfriend have an open relationship going on, and if they like to sleep around with other guys.
If he says yes, he's had multiple partners and he's not worth the risk. If he says no, he's cheating on his boyfriend and not worth the risk.
If his history scares you, let it scare you off.
If you need to ask a guy if he's tested and free, he likely will feel need to lie in order to get you into bed.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 January 2012):
 IT is NOT rude to say "have you had blood work?" and add 'btw you will need to have it if you haven't had it done."
I did it with the man I'm with now... and I had it done for him. In fact, we had it done twice once in the beginning and then again 6 months after we became monogamous...
IT is NOT rude to take care of your health and if the other person says "don't worry about it" or "not recently" or anything other then "yes would you like to see it" (and you say yes of course you want to see it)
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