A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I haven't been on here in ages, but hey - I'm kinda tipsy and that's when I ask my questions best! So I'm meant to be getting married and meant to be really happy but heaps has gone wrong with that soooo... Do you guys think people sell themselves short? I dunno, my fiance seems to think I'm out of his league, everyone else does too. I think he's sweet and nice but I sometimes wonder if I'm going for something stable rather than going for whatever else is out there?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Stable is a great attribute. But not necessarily a good REASON to marry someone.
I would suggest that you marry someone whom you feel deep love for. Someone you can not see yourself living without. Someone you would share everything you have with. Someone you would want to care for should something terrible happen to them. Someone you love to spend your time with. Someone you know loves you the SAME.
I would marry a sweet, nice, stable man if I felt all these things for him.
I would not marry if I had any doubts about wanting to. "If in doubt - don't".
I don't believe people are out of other people's league... it is more people are just different. Marrying 'up' or 'down' is a matter of perspective in my opinion.
If your wedding is within the next week and you have only just started feeling like this, then you may just have 'cold feet' , in which case go ahead with the wedding.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (30 January 2012):
I think they do if their primary reasons for marrying someone is not because of a healthy love for that person.
many people get married out of insecurity, or because they think it will make some problem go away or accomplish some goal. Under these conditions, people marry whomever they are with at the time, or whomever seems most likely to solve the problem for them. This could very well be settling because at the heart of the marriage is not a deep and healthy love for the other person by a focus on solving the immediate problem (such as finances, biological clocks, insecurity...)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Yes, especially when you get to the age "you saw yourself being married at". Time is running out, all your friends are getting hitched, you've been a bridesmaid more than 3 times, so your list in what you want in a husband seems to shorten down to the basics.
1. He has a stable job. (Doesn't have to make 6 figures)
2. He owns a car. (Unless of course you live in the city)
3. Intelligence, not highly intelligent but smart enough.
4. Has his own place.
5. He treats you well.
6. You get along very well.
7. There's some sort of physical attraction. (Toss those "has to have a six pack" standards out )
8. You have to love him.
Prince charming doesn't exist. Disney has been lying to us all these years.
As long as there's love and you can see yourself having a long happy life with him, then stay on this path.
Now if you're doubting your engagement then I would hold off on the wedding and figure out where the doubt is really coming from.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 January 2012):
 Yes, many women do settle. They may say that they married the "man of their dreams", but that's the typical female BS. Women love to brag and exaggerate how perfect their partner is, or their kids, ect. It's all BS because no one ends up with anything "perfect" as it doesn't exist.
How many women do you think have a partner with ALL the traits that they want in a man? Maybe it's 7/10, but if anyone says they have a 10/10, they're lying. When I think of all the character traits I love, there is no way in hell it's going to be present in one person alone. Maybe in 2-3 people, but never one.
If you love the person, if you can tolerate them on a day to day basis without being annoyed and if you share the important values, you're lucky.
I used to think that I would never marry a man unless he was witty, complex, funny, charming, mysterious, creative, dark-haired and green-eyed. Hell the list goes on! And then you come to your senses. :)
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