A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me saying we need to see other people because we started dating when we were 14. I am 22 now, thats 8 years and we are eachothers first relationship. but i know it has more to do with the fact i was very very immature she did all the mans jobs like call around for insurence look for places to live she did all our finances etc. she never really told me ever that it bothered her and once you get into a habit its hard to get out especially since we started at age 14. there is someone else she has a crush on and i think she will persue him and try to have a relationship with him i accept this because i messed up the relationship but im pretty certain they wont last long. well now that shes broken up with me i have a new realization and i feel like a new man and am going to start doing more things that men are supposed to do like provide and take care of their woman(ive already made awsome progress in the first week weve been broken up). We really had an extremely special relationship other than the factor i was immature and she now wants a man not a boy. Everything else was great for both of us, the sex(believe me i know),i can make her laugh on command we had many many great memories and our fights were always about silly things (mostly when she was menstraiting), (dont worry i understand). We just connected on a level i know we both felt was super special it just seems like it would be a shame to wreck something so genuine. I think, and im sure she thinks, it would be beautiful to be together from when your 14 till the end. sorry to give so much detail i just really want a good reply because u have no idea how much our relationship means to me and how bad i want to save it. even tho i know there is no guarenteed way I just want to know my best chances. So this leads me to my questions. 1.)i completely understand why she would persue another person am i being too easy on her? should i be mad at her for wanting to be with someone else even tho i know i was immature? 2.)which do you think would give me the best chances to get her back from your experiences? cut off all contact? or still be friends so i can show her i am changing? i really want to be good friends but if it hurts my chances to get back together id rather just end contact? I know its gonna take some time and i accept that. I also know i havent been with anyone else but i feel so strong about our relationship and have really no desire to date anyone else. shes exactly what i want in a partner. Please help me save something absolutely beautiful:(
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broke up, crush, get back together, immature, no desire Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): It's always good for a man to be mature and responsible for helping his woman but now days you might want to be very carefull dishing out money because SOME women just want to get what they want and move on, you two been together since teenagers so it does not seem like she's trying to use you, seems like you know you are the problem and working on it which is very good.
Take Care
A
male
reader, dmanmcc +, writes (28 January 2012):
dmanmcc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst off i wanted to thank you for taking the time to help me with this problem. You guys are right, I really do need to do this for me. plus she is being really unfair to me right now. She will text me things sounding like she still loves me which she probably does but u cant have your cake and eat it too. She decided she doesnt want to be with me right now, so why should i try to sway her mind? This will possibly just leave me in pain. I really am an amazing person and i need to work on my faults for me but we really had something special and i know we both know that but what shes doing isnt right. I think im gonna take some real time to think what i want. one thing i will admit is if we didnt break up i may not have came to this realization that i have qualities to work on. i think i just need some time to myself so im not gonna text her like i have been for this week, i would like to be friends but i dont know if i can be shoulder to cry on guy at least not yet. im gonna take some time away and maybe i will realize that we can be friends or maybe i wont. thank you for helping me with this, i really wasnt expecting for u to say that what she is doing isnt completely ok. this really makes me think, im being very immature about this situation and this may be a big step in my new found maturity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): in my opinion,boy you have to buck up and be a man , yes..so what if you were together since 14? so what if she did all that you should have done?..i can very well understand a 14 year old boy is like a baby.but now you have to change..you have to grow up ,if not for her ,for yourself ,,but i just don't see why break up for that?
have you ever left your nervous system behind to speak up and tell her?that you've realised your responsibilities and now you can take charge as you have matured?..admit to her that you've been unmanly,but also make her understand that it was not your fault since you were just a kid.obviously no one could imagine you managing a household while other 14 year old boys sat around with their gaming consoles .
look child,human beings keep maturing till their last breath,you could have been immature with your partner at 30 when you look back and see as a 50 year old..and you might wish you hadn't been all that ,that doesn't mean you run away from your life ,delete your life history and start afresh with someone else everytime you realize that you were once immature.in my opinion to be frank enough,thats cowardice
improvement and development of self is totally disconnected from relationships.you don't discard a loving healthy happy reltionship like that because you need to grow up.if you need to grow up then GROW UP man!first grow out of your mental block that you will improve only if she's not in your life.and STOP taking her for granted ,now you're a man so be a man.on the otherhand she is fed-up and tired and feels insecure without a male protection.not just in practicality but also emotionally,..a woman needs a man to show dependance on ,no matter how independent ,and strong she is.
i don't NEED my boyfriend to hold my hand while crossing the road ,but it just feels so great when he does.a feeling of protection that i'm with a man.maybe i don't need the protection but i need the "feeling of being protected"
right now.all you can do is try to talk and get back to her.communicate that you've changed and would like to take charge and be the man.and if she really loves you ,she will understand and respect that.so what ?i treat my man like a baby ,in my heart he's my lil kid and always will be ..if i were her i would really think its cute that my 14 year old boy has grown up!even though it wasn't your fault really,let go of your ego and ask for her forgiveness(it's like a trick),but make sure that she understands from your explanations that nothing was your fault!,at 16 a girl is mentally mature enough to give birth and deal a family .however it's a biologically known fact that men mature much later..most men are not even mature enough to love and commit to a woman untill they are 18 and above!you've infact been more of a man at a younger age ,if seen in comparison with other men.but somewhere down the lane you got stuck with your mental blocks and circumstances.let go of it like a bad habit!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): Try to see the positive in this. First of all, you don't sound immature to me. You sound like a sensitive, understanding guy. I doubt she broke up with you because she thought you were immature. Even if you had done all the "man's jobs", there is a good chance she would have broken up with you. You got together when you were very, very young, and stayed together for a remarkably long time for two people who meet at that age. That shows a maturity I don't think you've thought about. It's difficult enough as an adult to make a relationship last for eight years, so to manage through your teenage years and into your 20s is great. Well done. If it was so special, there is a chance that you might get together further down the line, but try not to cling too much to this hope. If you do get back together one day, fantastic, and if you don't, then you have a lot of happy memories of her. For now, although it's hard, try to see this break-up as a good thing. Think of how you've grown as a person since you were 14. Do you think of your teenage years in terms of you or in terms of your relationship with her? In my opinion, it's vital to spend some time alone, to get to know yourself and feel comfortable in your own presence. I recently spoke to a woman who had been in one or another relationship from the age of 15. She had never been single for more than a week, and found herself suddenly divorced at the age of 46 and finding it very hard to cope. Without even realising it was happening, she had become completely dependant on having a man in her life. I don't think that sorting out finances and calling the insurance companies are a man's jobs. It shouldn't matter whether a man or a woman does these things, but you may have relied to much on your ex to do these things. They're things that you need to be able to do, and as you say, you have made progress already in just a week. Being alone will give you the opportunity to grow up and learn to do everything for yourself. Then, when you meet someone new, or if you end up getting back together with this girl, you will be more mature, more responsible and more confident. It sounds like you ended things on quite good terms, so if you can handle being friends with her, by all means do. Cutting off all contact probably won't help you get back with her, but be prepared that she might not want to get back together at all. Be prepared that you will probably have to see her with other guys, and be a shoulder to cry on if things go wrong with someone else. That is the responsibility you accept if you choose to be her friend. Think long and hard about it. I hope this answer helps you a little bit. I wish you the best of luck on your journey, wherever it may lead.
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