A
female
age
30-35,
*azparo
writes:Dear its a problem of my best fried sidra plz help her. Hope you have good health with your family members and friends. I have very difficult situation in these days. I am 26 year old unmarried girl. When I was 18 or 19 years I start intercourse with my boyfriend due to not right education regarding sex and it's after affects. Now my family members force me for marriage with my relative. He is young and from sound family. We are going to marriage within few days. I have shocked when he say to me that after first intercourse I feel you are not virgin (you have no hymen) then next day you will free from my relation. Please help me how to satisfy him? Have any chance to reconstruct my Hymen? Or any surgical procedure at Karachi or Islamabad ? I my very worry about my coming life. If you know and have a doctor's name kindly pm me contact No. and clinic address Please inform me if there any chance secure my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): Does he know that not all girls are born with a hymen? Or that a hymen can be torn even before intercourse? And that not all girls bleed their first time? You should let him know these facts.
I'm guessing that religion is somewhat involved in your situation. If that is the case, then he does not need to know about your past. What's done is done.
I don't feel that you need to have a hymen reconstructing surgery. He won't even know the difference.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Would I be crazy to suggest telling him the truth, instead of letting him marry someone under false pretenses?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Can you tell your mother and ask her for advice? I also think that even if you have a reconstructed hymen you might not bleed since your vagina has already had a penis in it.
If you decide to do a lie, have a needle hidden somewhere and prick your finger with it while he doesn't see and then let blood drop on the sheets or in your panties after the sex. Then show him it afterwards and explain that it came from your vagina.
When he is about to enter you for the first time, make sure you are not turned on, so that you will be dry down there. It'll be more painful, but you'll feel tighter as it will be harder for him to penetrate you. Then pinch together the muscles down there and hold them together while he enters, that will make you tighter.
Have you had sex the last year? If not, your muscles will have already tightened up some as well.
Tell him before hand that you worry because you are so old you might not bleed because of the hymen might have broken from activities like sports, or using tampons (if you use tampons).
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A
female
reader, marzi  +, writes (11 February 2010):
actually in my country girls normally go throw this surgery due to cultural belief but I had no hymen the first time I had intercourse there was no pain,no blood.and my boyfriend did not believe me when I told him I was virgin...
maybe you can tell him that you are virgin but how can he realize if you lied or not.and ask him do you think there should be blood if I'm virgin.if you have no choice you can go though surgery there is a lot of surgeon who do that I'm sure.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 This is a very difficult situation. There are surgical procedures to reconstruct it, but this is an expensive cosmetic procedure. Basically you have two choices - you can tell your husband about your sexual past or you can lie about your sexual experience. Not all women bleed when they lose their virginity and some girls lose the hymen naturally through sports and horse-riding in the teen years, without being sexually active. You could tell him that but, despite the cultural pressures imposed on you, I think honesty is perhaps the best policy. If he rejects you because of it, is he really a man you should wish to spend the rest of your life with? I appreciate you are under pressure from family and cultural norms, but your personal happiness is of paramount importance!
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