A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm a senior in high school and I'm 17 years old. I've been depressed lately because I don't think I'll ever be happy in a relationship. I've had two official girlfriends and many unofficial ones. I am usually excited and interested to be with girls and get to know them. I think I'm one of the nicer guys out there, in the sense that I've never used a girl for her body or anything (being that I'm a virgin and have never gotten the opportunity to explore sexually). Anyway, by the time things start to get serious, I always flee from the relationship. For a while, I thought I was just meeting girls that I didn't like in a special way. But I recently met a girl who I thought was pretty cool. I asked her out, but quickly broke up with her as I didn't feel the same way anymore. I've constantly asked myself over and over why I broke up with her because she's actually an interesting person. But I have found no good answer. None of my friends seem to understand why I did it and she certainly doesn't.The problem is, I don't understand either. I have never felt strongly about being in a relationship with ANY girl. I've just never liked someone so much that I want to only be with them. And I've always gotten myself into a position where I'm ignoring the fact that I don't want to be with them, and I continue to do it. This brings me into a great depression. I will continue to convince myself that I like the girl and then realize I don't, only to convince myself I do again. And these girls always fall hard for me, making it more difficult for me to stand by my decision to end the relationship.Basically, I'm afraid that following my instincts is wrong. My instincts always tell me that I'm happier alone, but I'm still lonely and upset when I'm alone. I'm afraid I'll never want to commit to a relationship because of this and that I'll remain depressed for my whole life. I know you think I'm just young but I just don't know. Everyone around me has crushes and relationships but I just never seem to. I haven't REALLY liked someone in a long time.Thank you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): What you are going through is actually pretty normal and indicative of two things. The first is that you are not at this time ready for a COMMITTED relationship. In time, you will be - but for now I would advise you continue to explore casual relationships, which in all honestly are probably more practical at your age. Secondly, you simply haven't met the right girl yet. Trust me, once you do, you'll want to commit.
My own history is kinda similar. I'm 25 now and have had a fair few girlfriends, but only 2 SERIOUS ones. My first serious gf was when I was 19. After we broke up, I had casual relationships with several girls for the next 5-and-a-half yrs until I met my current gf, who is my second serious girl. All the other girls I dated I liked very much at the beginning, but the infatuation quickly wore off and I found I just didn't like the person as much as I thought I would. So don't worry about the way things have been panning out for you thus far - sooner or later you'll meet someone you really 'click' with and a more fulfilling relationship will ensue.
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