A
female
age
36-40,
*irn230
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about six almost seven years now. My problem is he has a job that requires him to be out of town for weeks at a time and then only gets 3 or 4 days home before he has to leave again. My problem is I don't know if I want to be in a relationship where i am always alone. Most of my friends are married and when I go out with them I am always the third wheel. I am pretty well single without the benefits of single life. I completely love and trust my boyfriend, but if I even mention marriage he dismisses the question. To be honest, I don't know if I can keep up the heartache even if I do love him and sometimes I can't tell if he really wants this life for himself either. Is it really worth it? Do you think there is a future here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, airn230 +, writes (27 May 2009):
airn230 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is about this job is that its a family business, so he can't just up and leave and its a new business so it requires to be gone longer to establish itself as a reputable business. I have asked him if he thinks that this job will always require him to be gone and he's not sure, because who knows where this business is going. And as Emilysanswers said, I do believe he is staying at the job because he makes more money. And I know for fact that he is at his job and not with other women. it would of been over a long time ago if I couldn't trust him. Also it isn't that we don't communicate well, but if you have tried to communicate about something very serious over the phone its hard because you can't see the other persons reaction, and as for talking about on his short breaks home, we just want to enjoy each other while we are together so we put conversations on hold.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 May 2009):
Is he always going to be in this job?
If he is and you can't handle it then it's bad for him and you but fair enough. I am an army wife and I have days where I consider throwing in the towel because as you say, it's all the bad bits of being single and none of the good.
But I know my hubbie will be out of the army soon and it's not always going to be this way so it's ok. I don't think I could put up with this for ever. Let alone introduce kids into the mix.
Sit him down and talk about the future. Tell him you don't think you can handle this any more and as much as you love him either the job has to change or you will have to leave.
He might be staying in that job because it's better paid than the normal ones, where as you would prefer him to take the lower paid but regular job round the corner.
Tell him how you feel and see what he has to say.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Have you asked him if there is a future? 6 years is a long time to not know where things are headed. If he's dismissing the question of marriage, it means he's either not ready or he doesn't picture marrying you and I think you should find that out. I also think it's a bit odd that you don't know if he plans to keep this work arrangement or any of his future goals- do you not communicate well? If you feel heartache now, it will be even worse when you have kids and he misses out on a lot of the stuff like baseball games where all the families are there and you are the lone parent.Another consideration is that men that choose the lifestyle where they travel a lot or are out of town often do this because they like their freedom- that can involve other women in different locations or signal a lack of intimacy and participation in marriage/relationships. You may find that even if he's there all the time he's not really "there".You have your whole future ahead of you and there is no reason to be trapped into something that doesn't feel right to you or makes you unhappy. Marriage won't fix that.
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