A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, i need answers from guys. this question is hard to explain, but thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and answer it for me..ok, i am in a long term relationship, and we have very different schedules, so we e-mail very often, actually daily, and they are always long e-mails.we are currently getting to know eachother very well, and we agree'd to be open to talk about anything.it was my idea to get together, because ive always had a thing for this guy.sometimes i wonder if he feels as strongly as i do. he tells me he does, and he is very sweet to me, and says the nicest of things. (we are both originally from the same home town, but hes away for alittle while) the plan is to get to know eachother before he comes home.he talks ALOT about his past sex life, and he gives alot of detail on it. for a minuet there, i was wondering if he was only talking about it, to purposely drive me nuts. but i was patient, and didnt give any input on it. now, he says that he feels like he can talk to me on a level like he can his closest guy friends. (so i guess thats cool..) anyway, beings how im female, i dont like to hear some of the things, but if hes really putting me on that kind of level, then heck yea, im willing to adjust to it! but im not that smart when it comes to understanding guys. so guys is this something that you'd really do with a girlfriend, or is he knowingly driving me nuts, and expecting me to say something?? i know my question doesnt make much sense, but thank you if you can understand it.(side notes:he told me about loosing his virgintiy, he told me about all the girls hes ever cheated on, hes told me some crazy things hes done to get with a girl, and he went into detail on the night he got his ex pregnant. is this normal?? am i under-reacting or am i over-reacting?)
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Some guys never develop an appropriate sense of boundaries. He sounds like one of them.
I had a friend once who used to give me waay more information that I ever wanted about his sex life. I suppose he thought it was appropriate for his guy friends, but he's the only guy I've ever had that from. Most of us might have gone as far as 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink; say no more.' Beyond that is in bad taste.
To be honest this sounds to me more like immaturity than bonding, and yes with some bragging thrown in for flavour. I doubt he's trying to make you crazy. But regardless he's showing you something about his character.
As an aside, if you're uncomfortable hearing about his past, imagine the future when his friends hear that sort of detail about *you*. 'Nuff said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy question is basically, would he be talking about this stuff to purposely get a negative reaction out of me, or is he really treating me like his "best friend"? im not sure if him telling me this stuff should be considered a good thing or a bad thing, so i need guys opinions on how open you would get about your past sex life if you have a girlfriend who never trips out on you for saying these things.. and offered to talk about itim trying to treat him right, and grow with him, and i dont want to say something disrespectful, if he didnt mean for it to be disrespectful.( id want him to do the same for me.. but at the same time, i deserve respect. ) so do you think its super disrespectful, or a sign of extra, trusting respect.. the only reason why im 1/2 giving him the benefit of the doubt, is because after a few e-mails of him confessing every girl he's ever cheated on, who all he's ever been with, and the crazier things he's done that has to do with females, down to the last tit he's sucked, he then later said " i feel like im on a level with you like i would be a best male friend, ive basically told you all of my guy secrets." he said that just in time to stop me from doing what annonymous dr. g said i should do.. so im not sure what to take of it, never had a guy willingly tell me everything like that, nor have i ever been close enough to be called "like a best guy friend". i know alot of people probably think i should get mad, especially if i didnt enjoy hearing about it, but im not the type of girl to get mad over every last thing, especially when i dont always know how guys mean things. just because it makes me mad, doesnt make being mad the right choice.im stuck in the middle because i have 2 answers.. one answer says its disrespect, the other says i agree'd to it, hear it, even if its thee unexpected.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 What exactly are you stuck in the middle of? I'm still slightly unsure what your question is to be honest...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice.. unfortunitly im still stuck in the middle as to what to take of it.. more advice please!!
(and i made in error in my question, where it says "long term" it should say "long distance" relationship... thanks boys!
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (9 April 2011):
You guys agreed to be open and able to talk about anything... unfortunately, sex life is a part of that. If you don't feel comfortable with it though, then by all means- just tell him that your not so comfortable with the level of detail. I really doubt he's doing it consciously to drive you nuts, but his ego certainly could be coming into play here. Yes it is guy talk and yes it can be crude, but sex is something that many guys define their self-worth from... dare I suggest that he's trying to impress you in a way...?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This guy talks too much...and about the wrong thing. I don't think it's the least bit respectful, or tasteful to talk about your past sex life, with anyone,let alone the one you're with now. He's got a need to brag, and this is just insecurity. Half of it is probably bulls&^# anyway...there's an old saying...those who can do, those who can't, talk about it. See how it is when the shoe is on the other foot if you want to know what he is really made out of...tell him about a hot sexual encounter that you had with, say...Biff before him...make it good too...(use your imagination), how Biff was so hot you could explode just looking at him, that he made you orgasm over and over again and that you wished all men were as huge as this Biff was. Start drooling when you mention Biff's name, and even call your boyfriend Biff when he's giving it to you. See how he likes it, but somehow, I don't think he is going to...but he might just get the message. Then dump his sorry ass, and tell him you met someone else...named Biff. I hope this information helps. Dr. Harvey G.
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