A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm a near 18 year old female. I lost my virginity a few months back and have only had sex with that one guy. We've always been kind of more than friends (well for over a year), but not quite defined as anything more. It just sort of happened one day when we were hanging out, but I trusted him and still do so I don't actually regret it. So anyhow, that first time I wasn't able to orgasm. Don't get me wrong i wanted to, he was pretty skilled to be honest and I kept edging, but then the sensation kept going away, and building back up and going again in a constant cycle. I didn't mind too much because I was still experiencing maximum pleasure, I just couldn't get myself to come. I guess I was partially frustrated that I couldn't do it. I never have a problem orgasming when I'm pleasuring myself, which for a long time has been whilst reading hot fiction and more recently watching p*rn. Since I always without a doubt orgasm to p*rn (somewhere between softcore and hardcore), that's my go-to when I want a quick release. With the guy, he knew what to do he didn't rush, foreplay lasted a good 20 minutes or so and I was ready and w*t but even then I couldn't orgasm. Although he didn't say anything because he didn't want to upset me or whatever, I think he was getting a little frustrated too, I guess it's a guy think where he felt it his duty to make me come before he did but it just didn't happen. I faked one to take the pressure off of him which wasn't right but at the time I felt I had to. Now I'm thinking that maybe I couldn't come because I watch p*rn, or maybe because I masturbate (once or twice a week).So my question is: is there a reason why I didn't have an orgasm the first time I had sex?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Show him what works for you. After sex show him how you masturbate and what works for your body. Maybe then you will see a difference, but I know lots off women who have never had an orgasm through intercourse.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Cut out the porn for a while, hang out together without sex, masturbate less, etc.
I know you trust him, but perhaps it would help if you were having sex with someone you knew loved you and vice versa. Not everyone needs that connection (unspoken words aren't enough), but most do.
Please make sure you use condoms every time and are on birth control properly. Do not risk a pregnancy.
As for the sex itself, relax. You both need to be mature enough to understand that not all women orgasm frequently, so don't fake it.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Not just women suffer from this so I wouldn't put too much pressure on it, or it will probably just get even worse.
Only 2 girls have ever been able to make me cum during sex, besides that I have to finish myself which has caused lots of drama over the years of girls thinking they're not good enough for me and that something is wrong with them.
Try to cut down on the porn before you have sex again and see if that does anything for you. I think it somehow kind of trains your body to only ejaculate from your own touch. Not sure if that's true or not, but that's what it made me start thinking when I first noticed this issue.
Don't think about it during sex or it will just never happen, direct him what to do if needs be, you need to relax and have a clear head, whenever it happened for me it really just snook up on me and happened when I wasn't expecting it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Uhm... Welcome to the club! Most women do not orgasm from intercourse. Or during sex at all. We need to take matters in our own hands, unless you have a partner who knows your body well over the years, or happen to get randomly lucky some times.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 May 2017):
 Very few women HAVE orgasms in intercourse - masturbating is different and it really shouldn't be compared to sex with another person.
My guess is you weren't relaxed enough - when you CHASE a climax it can get elusive.
And secondly, you are not a guy. Sex for guys (USUALLY) end in a climax, women don't, but we CAN. We can, however, also have multiple of them.
You COULD show your partner HOW you get yourself off. That way he can imitate your movements.
As for HIM being upset? Screw that. NOT your fault that you didn't quite get there, as long as you enjoyed the ride. And there is a saying practice makes perfect.
I'd say try and cut down on the porn for a few weeks, see if it makes a difference.
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