A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I like this guy very much, we're not dating, but have a good friendship; email very often, occasionally meet up for lunch during working hours, have chats at his home in the evening… we have similar interests, worldview, both academics.The background is he's 56, I'm 37. He is widowed, his wife passed away suddenly about a year and half ago. He was in a pretty bad state, but seems to be doing better now, better outlook on life etc. His health has also deteriorated, but he's now seeking medical attention and being more proactive about getting better. And in addition, we're second cousins, who only knew of each other's existence just over 2 years ago, so I do know his late wife, son, and extended family. Lately (past 3 months) he's been getting closer in terms of communication and also more tactile in person (he used to be very tactile but completely retreated into a shell after his wife passed away.) I've always been very fond of him but now I know I'm falling for him. I'm trying to decide if I should back off, to protect my heart, as I'm the sort who falls deeply and for a long time. He's a great guy and I can see myself with him for the long haul, but I don't know if he's even willing to consider a relationship, considering he's recently widowed, our age gap and we're cousins. And I feel it's premature to even hint at this for now. I guess I would just like to hear your opinions on the possibilities. It's always difficult to see clearly from the inside. Thanks much!
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Whatever you do, DON'T let the age difference get to you! I recently dated a woman half my age (68 to her 34) for about 10 months. It was generally good, but I called it off for reasons that had nothing to do with the age difference. Interests and compatibility are everything. We didn't really fit, on a couple of important things. If you two DO fit, go for it. Of course, in other respects the usually pitfalls of a new relationship apply, so be careful.
And the third-degree relationship should not be an impediment either. Ignore it, assuming neither of you is hung up on it.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 August 2012):
 I think if you are getting signs from him, then why not ask him out for dinner in the evening. Or, just something low-key like "grab a sandwich" or "go for coffee"? All he can do is turn you down.
As far as relationships go, there is really no way to protect your heart unless you cut off all contact from everyone. There is always a risk of getting hurt. I think relationships naturally go where they are supposed to go in time. If yours is progressing then make it known you want to spend more time with him.
The only drawback would be that he has some kind of adversion to you being second cousins, but honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. Especially since you never really knew about one another before. Just my opinion...others may feel differently about that.
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