A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A man that I work with has had a crush on me for the last year. I am not interested in him, and he is more than ten years older than me. I have been trying to ignore him and pretend i haven't noticed, but he still hasn't taken the hint, and keeps asking me to come watch movies with him etc. or bringing stuff into work that i might be interested in (like books etc) Everyone else knows and I get mocked basically every time I go into work.what do I do? i'm worried if i outright reject him, I will seem heartless, and it will make things really awkward at work? is there a nice way of saying no?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): There is a film called Hostile Advances that reminds me of this situation. It was about a woman named Kerry Ellison, and this man she worked with was obsessed with her and wouldnt leave her alone. He kept following her in his car, took her to his house once and kept making sexual remarks to her, although nothing happened between them, and he wrote her a letter that was pages long descibing how he felt about her ! . His desk was next to hers at work, and he kept asking her out , and wouldnt leave her alone everytime she said no . She took the case to court for Sexual Harrassment. This was based on a true story, by the way . If this man carries on everytime you tell him you are not interested, that can be seen as Sexual Harassment and must be taken very seriously . You should definately have a word with your boss about this first and see if something can be done . This guy has problems and could do with some counselling.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Oh I feel your pain! In this kind of situation you need to be as frank as possible. Tell him that you are not interested/ available or whatever in order to end this. Do not worry about being nice to spare his feelings.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 "Hal, thank you for the book/invitation/whatever, but I have something I need to tell you. I worry that you have some sort of crush on me. I hope you know that I enjoy being your coworker at work, but this is making me uncomfortable. You're a nice person and all but I'm really asking you not to give me or other people the idea that you have a crush on me. It's not professional, really, is it?"
Tell your friends to stop mocking you too, that's a form of harrassment itself.
"Guys, I don't appreciate your mocking. This is uncomfortable all around, there's nothing funny or amusing about this to me and I would prefer that you all just drop it now." *mocking comment* "That is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. It hurts my feelings, makes me feel uncomfortable and frankly makes working with YOU [eye contact with the offender] problematic."
Stop smiling and joking and laughing and hoping it will go away. You have to be firm, focused and willing to stand up for yourself. Don't get angry, nasty or loud. Just be very clear that it's not a joke and you will deal with it in a professional manner.
Depending on the company, I think you should consider going to Human Resources if this continues. Maybe make an appointment and make sure people know that you have done so will knock back the mocking and the unwanted approach by this guy.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): just say " i'm really sorry but i'm not interested " . or, tell him you already have a boyfriend , even if you dont, then he should leave you alone. and if you want to be friends with him just say " you're a nice guy, let's just be friends " . i hope this helps.
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