A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My b/f is always for the "underdog" he never takes my side. If I have a fender bender he will say, "You should've done this, or you should've done that." even though I was not the one who got cited, so clearly it was not my fault. If the sink is stopped up he accuses me of dropping something down the drain. If anything breaks at the house, somehow it's my fault. One night we were out and an acquaintance of his, who was quite drunk made rude comments to me. I was insulted, but rather than coming to my rescue my b/f later told me "Well, for all I know you have some kind of history with this guy..." (In other words, you must've deserved it) even though I'd never met the man before that night. One night we were having dinner and I asked the waitress if she could bring us some extra napkins. I used a pleasant tone of voice, I smiled when I asked her and when she came back with the napkins, I said, "Thank you so much." but as soon as she walked off, my b/f said I should have said "please" when I asked for them to begin with. It seems like he's never on my side about anything. I am not a pushy, or rude person. In fact, I tend to let people walk all over me becasue I came from a very humble family with no money. My parents didn't even have the funds to send me to college, so it took me years to get my degree because the only time I could attend was at night after I'd already worked an 8 hour day job at a dental office. I know this was long before my b/f and I got together so he seems to forget that I wasn't raised with a silver spoon, but when I complain to him about his pattern of blaming me, or siding with other people, he says I'm "spoiled". What does that mean? Because I grew up in a loving family? Because I wasn't beaten, or abused or forced to live on the streets somehow I don't deserve to be respected by him. There must be a hidden message in his behavior but I don't have the code. Any advise?
View related questions:
drunk, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): You've got a lot going for you. You sound a very pleasant and understanding person and you have got a degree while working at the same time.
The only thing wrong with your life is your boyfriend. It is possible he feels inferior but stop making excuses for him, while you still have some self-esteem left. He is using you as a scapegoat. You could do an assertiveness course but why bother, he is the problem, my advice is dump him.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 You have to stand up for yourself. This person you are with sounds like a control freak. Your life will be a constant misery unless you take action. Either make it known that you will not accept this kind of behaviour, or leave. You are on the first rung of being a battered wife.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): You just said it yourself. You let people walk all over you. He's doing that, walking all over you.
...............................
|
