A
male
age
36-40,
*weetm386
writes:Ok so I was dating this girl for like 2 weeks, she had a bad relationship in the past I mean the guy hit her and cheated on her all the time. But anyways we really did fall in love with each other in that short time frame and get along so good as if we known each other for years. I feel like it was meant to be. So 2 weeks into it she breaks up with me because she is afraid we would break up in the future and become enemies. She also has problems trusting me because I might become like her ex, but she wants to stay friends. I know it sounds crazy but I really do love this girl and can not stand just being her friend. My questions are, Should I stay friends? Is there a good chance she will turn around and want me back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): You shouldn't really force her to chose you (or not choose you) like that, because the main problem is that she is just not mentally ready, so you should ask her if she is just looking for a relationship or not. If you tell her this, at least tell her how you feel and what your problem with her is.
If you really do love her as you claim you do, then try to keep some contact with her...because yeah she may love u in the future.
A
male
reader, sweetm386 +, writes (25 June 2009):
sweetm386 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I am just going to tell her. I am not looking for a friend I am looking for the one so either be with me or good luck in life. Or maybe stay her friend maybe someday she will turn around. I feel like I might be pathetic dwelling over a girl I dated 2 weeks, but I just know its right.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (19 June 2009):
Well there is always the chance that she's not really into you. Another possibility could still be stemming from her last relationship. Abuse damages a persons self-esteem and self worth and maybe she seriously thinks she's not good enough for you! If this is this case its not good she will continually shoot for low guys that will treat her like crap because deep down she thinks she deserves it :( Its sad but it happens. I would still give her space but keep in touch with her and make her feel like shes the most wonderful person in the world... You never know, maybe she just needs some reassurance that she didnt do anything to deserve to what her ex did to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): When she says you can do a lot better is almost her way of saying that you should break up with her...maybe she is feeling a little guilty. You don't get her, but she seems pretty confused about what she wants as well. Thats why we are saying to you to give her space. Again, you have to try to understand how she "feels" not just what she is thinking, due to her past relationship and unable to cope with the feeling of maybe jumping into a new relationship too fast.
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male
reader, sweetm386 +, writes (19 June 2009):
sweetm386 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe seems to be really happy with her decision but she might just be putting that up as a front, at the same time she says I am to good for her and I can do a lot better, I do not get this girl.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Yes, stay friends and be there for her.
But don't become annoying, you know, such as asking lots of questions like, "How do you feel about me now?" etc.
She will tell you if she falls in love with you again and really wants to be back together again.
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A
male
reader, Ronaldron  +, writes (17 June 2009):
OMG.....that's exactly my situation two months ago...except tthat my girl didnt' really tell me what happened but only ignored my calls and replied my sms short and cold.(well not as passionate as the ones before)One suggestion for you mate....GIVE HER SPACE...i didnt do that and we are now just friends(non close ones)i'm regreting a lot man....even it's been already 2 months...i still blame myself for being so immature and not giving enough faith to her...Well, you know that she had a bad relationship, if you really like her, respect her and tell her that you'll giv her all the room she needs and you'll keep a distance with her until she needs your help or she needs someone to lean on when she's tired.She's just very insecure in a relationship now..so take on the "man" role and be mature enough to giv space and at the same time show care....make urself available for her to call whenever she needs(maybe send her message, " i know you might not be ready to accept anyone in ur heart at this stage, but just to let you know taht i'm always around to make you laugh and smile,as a friend if that's all it could be" . Or maybe start the chasing thing from now on...send her sweet messages, cute messages..etc...let her enjoy being chased, build up the confidence in her heart...well just one more thing....dont get obsessive if she doesnt' reply your message or soemthign...maybe it's just that she's too confused and she wants some room, and she doesnt know how to express that in a way that you wont misinterpret...OK??well leave me a message if u want to talk more...i made a misstake and i dont want someone else suffers the way i did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): I was in a situation like this. Prolly same time frames and everything. It sounds like she really needs more of a friend though and I understand your feelings but you have to understand hers and give her room to heal. In my personal exp if u stay "close friends" u wont become her bf/gf but you should still keep regular contact at least. Tell her how you feel but don't beg her or push her. Agree to be friends but understand that she needs the time to heal to see how great a guy you really are. Later in the future, some weeks or months maybe she will turn her eyes at you ^^
Good luck bro, all the best
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female
reader, laura585 +, writes (17 June 2009):
As a girl out of an abusive relationship I can understand her actions. I dont know her situation but for a while after that abusive relationship I was still afraid of my ex. Afraid of what he would do to me, or to my new guy ... So i didnt date at all. It's possible that she's still afraid of him, abuse does a lot of harm that lasts a long time. If he's not an issue at all then maybe she's just afraid. Completely mortified at the thought that someone else might treat her the way her ex did. Maybe shes so scared of the chance of abuse that she's doesnt even want to risk it all. Afterall, at 1 point in her life she thought her ex was a great guy who truly loved her. Be patient with her, be her friend, maybe she will come around when she finds out that you are nothing like him.
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female
reader, MinnieM  +, writes (17 June 2009):
It takes a lot of time & a few emotional breakthroughs to get over a destructive relationship like the one your girlfriend was in! The best thing you can do for her is stay supportive, if she feels pressure or if you make demands on her she will panic and reject you, if you remain her friend and do things on her terms after time she will come to realise your not at all like her ex and that you are worth taking a risk on! That is if you are willing to wait for her & put her feelings before yours?
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