A
female
age
36-40,
*ost-Love-in-London
writes:I would like to hear some people’s opinions and maybe some advice on a very hard situation I find myself in at the moment.Let me start from the beginning....About 4 months ago a new guy started at my work. As his supervisor I had to train him in his new role. As we worked together, there was an instant attraction and “spark” between us. We began txting each other, firstly about work, and then on a personal level. We laugh and we joked and our relationship grew. As both of our feelings began to become clearer, it was obvious there was more than just friendship between us.From the very beginning of our relationship, he has always been 100% honest and open with me. He is Kurdish and moved to England 5 years ago with his family. I am White/English. We are both in our early to mid 20’s. As he is Kurdish and I am English, he has always been honest with me that his family would not be happy about our relationship. Without going into too much detail, his family believe that it would be best for him to marry a girl from his own culture and religion (Muslim). As I am neither, this is a BIG problem for them. For him, it is not a problem, but he is very close to his family and feels he has to choose between them and I. I do not want him to fall out with his family over me, but my heart feels like it is breaking.We tried to keep our relationship a secret, but as it became obvious that we loved each other, we realised there would be no future for us if he continued to lie to his family.Last night, he told his family about us, and obviously, they are not happy at all. He explained to them that we are in love and very happy, but they forbade the relationship and told him that he must concentrate on his studies (he is a part-time student) and should be with a girl from his own culture and with a girl who is Muslim. He obviously does not want to fall out with his family (and neither do I want him to do that), so we have both agreed that we should be friends. Last night, as we talked about this, we were both in tears on the phone. I have had one previous long term serious relationship, and I loved my ex boyfriend, but I have never felt love like I feel for this current guy. We have not had sex as he does not believe in sex before marriage, and he knows about my past as a westernised girl, and this has not been a problem for him. I know that some of you might think that 4 months is not a long time, but I can’t deny what my heart and head are telling me....that he is my soul mate. Before, I have always been very cynical of love, and have been completely blown away by our relationship. We never argue and I have never lied to him. We have always been open and honest from the very beginning, and he has been with me. As it is now, I feel like I must always have him in my life, as a friend or otherwise, but it angers me that because we are from different countries and of different religions, we cannot be together. I have always believed that it does not matter where a person is from or what their religious beliefs are.....a person is a person, no matter what. Since yesterday he has constantly told me how sorry he is, and that he loves me and misses me... but that he must respect his family’s wishes. I have come to understand that his family would completely disown him if he continued in a relationship with me, but I know how happy we are when we are together. I am worried neither of us will ever feel happiness about this again. Please do not think I am a young and naive girl, as I’m not. I am a clever and educated person and so is he.... but we both just happen to be in love. I know he feels the same as me, if not worse because no matter what he will be disappointing people he cares about... either me, or his family :-(
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