A
female
age
41-50,
*nsure35
writes:I have been living with this guy for four years. We have been seeing each other for 4 and a half years. Everything is good we don't fight we get along. On news years eve of this past year he told me that he was not in love with me. He told me he loves me and cares about me but he is not in love. Am I wasting my time? Is there still a chance for him to fall in love with me? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 January 2009):
 Umm... I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, but I think that there's probably little chance that your live-in boyfriend is going to "come around" to seeing things the way you might want him to. If after living together for 4 years hasn't given him the urge to make a dedicated commitment to you, then there's little chance of it happening in the near future, don't you think? So, in a way, you may be wasting your time if your goal is to have something more solid... then again, if you are comfortable with the way things are now, then there's no reason to stir up the mud. Bottom line here is that it's your choice if you decide to move on or keep with the status quo.
A
female
reader, jezz_14  +, writes (21 January 2009):
There is no question that he CARES for you, or he wouldn't be living with you in the first place. But if it's love your looking for then I agree wth "eyeswideopen" that you should consider moving out. This reminds me of a saying my dad always says to me, "why would a man buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free?". By living with him without being married makes him unmotivated to change the way you two are. If he wasn't living with you then he'd had to work harder for your time and attention. If you want to see if the feelings will develop I think you may want to move out and see where his feelings are then.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 January 2009):
 Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'd move out if I were you and see if he realizes what he's losing. This whole "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" can be a smoke screen and just a easier way to break up with someone. Unless you are talking about children, family, friends, pets, I think they are one and the same.
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