A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a guy that I left 8 years ago today we talked on he phone and then feelings started coming back between the both of us.I really care for him I want to make things happen with him but there are some issues and boundaries that we have crossed but can't seem to come to an conclusion.But I am learning to let bye gones stay gone.How can we make this relationship work even though there were rough edges in the pass ?What can we do as adults to make this relationship work I want to grow old with this man but first I need to know will we work out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): Don't for get he is your ex for a reason
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 In short, the answer is no. There's a reason you are no longer together. What's done is done.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): Thanks everyone everything is well said I will take it all to heart and be wise about the situation:) thanks again
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (6 February 2013):
I disagree with the people who say "if you didn't get back together, don't try now." There are so many reasons why couples break up, and since you didn't give us a reason we can only speculate.In particular, if your past issues had to do with things like being in different places in life, distance, etc. these are things that could be completely different nowadays. I would not write off trying again. What I would do is approach it like a new relationship. Think of it like dating an old friend. You already do know each other intimately, from years ago, so half of the work is done. You will probably have a blast catching up and telling your life stories from since last you dated. If you decide to be serious again, then depending on what the issues are, there may be an appropriate way to bring them up. You definitely do NOT want to start polluting this potential new relationship with old issues. Without knowing what those issues were I can't really give much further advice, but you will want to put them in the past and move forward with a new relationship.There's all kinds of stories out there about couples who split up for all sorts of reasons and years later get back together and go on to be married, lifelong, happy couples. Don't expect that everything will just work out, but also don't automatically reject this because of something that happened 8 years ago. You never know! Maybe the fact that you're talking again is a sign that it WAS meant to be! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, Katiey +, writes (6 February 2013):
It depends on why you are exs, what is the reason behind this op? Perhaps of we knew this we could give you better answers.
I think if you haven't got back together between now and then then what you are feeling is a rush of old feelings rather than something new. I'm good friends with my ex and I use to get them feelings and wonder if I made the right choice of leaving him but I now know I did.
If you and him feel the same perhaps if you go for dinner and talk. I've heard of people dating breaking up and crossing paths in the future and they have gone on to have better relationships op this is up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013): I understand where you are coming from as I too want to rekindle my relationship but some of the things that have happened between us are insurmountable. I think the way forward is to no longer refer to these things and try to treat each other as if what happened in the past is dead and gone. For example there is one thing that my ex husband did to me which I just cannot forgive and without fail I can only think of this event when I see him. His view was the opposite of mine and we were not allowed to discuss this subject after a while as it always turned nasty. I have had to make a conscious effort of not bringing this up, not looking at ways to get this into the conversation and to try to move on from it bothering me. Boy is it hard! We have reached a kind of stalemate where there is a tacit agreement that this subject is no longer referred to but this is hard because the ramifications from it were huge so there is a massive knock on effect with everything else we do. I think the key is to let bye gones be bye gones. As you mention you need to be very adult and grown up in this and stay firm even if the person mentions something which you automatically want to defend or that would set you off the deep end. Eight years is a long time so hopefullt things should have calmed down enough for you to be less passionate about them. I really do know it is very hard to rekindle things with someone where there is a lot of hurt and it is a very slow process. I have started being friendly and interested in what he is doing and become somewhat non judgemental,sort of letting him get on with things that in the past I would have had comments on or wanted to put forward my point of view. This seems to help as it gives them freedom and stops you looking controlling in any way. I have also started saying 'that's nice' all the time even if I feel the exact opposite/ I have realised that my 'view' is not required and in that way it is good as you sort of opt out but in a friendly manner so it no longer annoys you. Also think back to all the things that you did that you know he did not like and learn from these points. Remember though that this is a two way thing and he must be as thoughtful with you. Just go slowly and if you can't say something nice just keep quiet. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Its entirely up to you and how desperately you want this relationship.
I am in support of giving a relationship a second chance as I believe that is what causes people to be unfaithful. Rather be would the person you love even if its a second attempt than get involved with someone new and pine for the lost love.
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