A
female
age
41-50,
*nsure35
writes:I am the one who has the boyfriend of four and a half years. We have been living together four of the four and a half years. I am so in love with him. We never fight. We have alot of fun together.We have alot in common. He has been the best boyfriend I have ever had. I honestly thought he was the one. I never once thought of him not being in my life. On new years of this past year he told me that he was not in love with me. He says he cares for me and he loves me but he is not in love with me. What should I do? Is there a chance he will fall in love with me after all this time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, unsure35 +, writes (18 February 2009):
unsure35 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know you may think I am being not smart. I am the one with the guy who doesn't love me. We are still together and he has not changed a bit. I keep telling myself that this is going no where and that I need to leve but for some reason I can't make myself do that. I have a feeling that he will tell me that he in fact does love me. Every day that goes by is another day I can't get back. I guess I just need to grow some backbone and leave. Please tell me what you think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): There is no code for what a man says, if he says he's not in love with you it means it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Punki's advice seems sound, yet it differs from mine quite a bit. My advice is probably tougher to follow, but like the doctor giving you a flu shot says, "just one pinch and it'll all be over".
From my almost half century of living, I've formed an opinion about how men chose spouses...I may be wrong, but I believe that most men categorize women into 2 groups within a few moments of meeting them; group 1 is "fun for now", and group 2 is "marriable". 'Marriable" women can slide into "fun for now" women, but "fun for now" women almost never slide into the "marriable" group.
(Old sayings are old sayings for a reason...'why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free' comes to mind.)
..I'm so sorry to say this but, in my experience, I have yet to see a "man fall in love after all this time". And if the woman somehow does land the reluctant bachelor, if she did the chasing, she'll do the suffering. Please don't do that to yourself. I know YOU love him...do you want to spend eternity (and I mean no disrespect but marriage is forever) with a man who might love you and might want to stay with you at least until someone better (in his opinion) comes along? HELL no!
Four years is enough, tell him to shit or get off the pot. Then, when he doesn't shit like you wanted him to, waste NO time in getting yourself back out there to find the guy who's been waiting for you to appear for four years so HE can light up your life.
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A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Well, was he ever in love with you? You have been together for a while, and most marriages/long term relationships seem to hit a snag around the 4 years time frame. (The reason is a long a drawn out biological process that has to do with childbearing, so I'l spare you).
The two of you need to talk and explore the feelings he has for you. See if the two of you can get the spark back in your relationship if he's willing to try it.
The truth is that when I had been married about 3 1/2 years, my husband told me the same thing, and I like you was shocked because he was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and he had been so enamored with everything I did. We talked about it, and he discovered that there were things about our relationship that bothered him that he had never confronted me about. It started a dialog, and only served to strengthen our relationship.
I hate it when people say "we never fight." That's not good, and it's not normal. It simply means one or both of the people in the relationship is suppressing feelings, because you can't be with someone that long and not have squabbles over stuff. Fighting is a way of expressing feelings, and it shows that you care about things.
I hope it works out for you.
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