A
female
age
36-40,
*zrlinz
writes:I am in desperate need of help. I have been so over anxious about my relationship the past week that I have almost been making myself sick. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 and a half years, and have lived together for about 10 months. We have come through alot of things, like cheating(a one time discretion on his part when he was intoxicated), fighting, almost breaking up, etc etc but we have always managed to work through it. But not at a cost. I have been hurt and am so scared to get hurt in this relationship that I overanalyze everything. I have just slipped back into this this past week, before that I was good for almost six months. My boyfriend has recently got in touch with an ex girlfriend from wayyyy before me that didn't get serious or anything, didn't have sex or anything liek that, but he had very strong feelings for her and was very sad when she broke up with him. She has entered back into our lives again, and I was ok with it at first..but because I'm slipping, I think he likes her again. Or that he is going to leave mefor her. I try so hard not to think about things like this, but it pops into my head all the time and I get really sad. I also overanalyze everything my boyfriend does to think that he's losing interest. When he came home from work last night, he immediately went and brushed his teeth, therefore I thought he kissed someone and didn't want me to know. I used to be like this a looooong time ago but have worked sooo hard to not act or think like that anymore, and now Ifeel like I am going to go back to it! It has caused so much damage earlier in my relationship because I was so nutes...and I don't want it to happen anymore! Help!!!! I love my boyfriend very much, we have shared so much, and gone through some of the toughest stuff a couple can go through. We are planning to get married one day(if of course nothing happens, or we don't drift apart), and I just need help to figure out how I can be truly happy. I think I can be truly happy with my man, but sometimes I'm not so sure. Is this normal? To think about breaking up sometimes? Even though you don't really want to? I'm so confused and messed up, please someone pull me out of this!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Hi there, My first question to you is whether or not your boyfriend has a habit of brushing his teeth each night before he goes to bed, if he does, that ends the kissing question. :o) Now the way you get to being in control of all of this, and it's not going to happen overnight. You must build up your self-esteem, and become more self assured. You have deep feelings of insecurity, so it starts with you, if you need to, research and purchase a good book on becoming more secure. Write things to yourself (it may sound crazy, but you have to reinforce the positive things
about yourself), that are good about you and your various talents that are the best aspects of you. Also write down on paper that "you are the GREATEST", read it everyday. Keep talking to yourself about the goodness of you. Do me a favor, write a poem entitled, "The Goodness of Me!" Send me a copy at: [email address blocked]. I want you to participate in building up your belief in yourself. You must begin to be your own best friend, anyone who does not want to be with you, is the one who is the loser. Promote yourself to yourself, your self esteem will grow, and whatever happens, you will be in a place where you may be down for a little while but you will be able to survive anything. Why, because you know you have the strength and the fortitude to move on from whatever. Your love for yourself will protect you, you will start to see yourself in a different light and people will not intimidate you, no matter what they do. Love yourself first, then you will come back to that positive realization and it makes you stronger, in any situation. Start these things and if your man is there with you great, but if he decides to go backwards, you will be fine, my thought is that you will do better, think about this. If you got married to him, and this woman showed up and he started to drift, how would that be? Totally worse, if it is going to happen, be willing to let it play out, you my dear will be fine. What it means to me, not saying he will be with her, but what is yours, you will have, what is not for you you won't, but guess what, you will be much better off. Trust me. This is the best time for this to happen. I would not mention her to him, let him go through with whatever he has to, I would want a man who is sure of his love for me. Build yourself up in your own eyes, and fret not. It will be fine, you will be fine. Stay in touch. Just be yourself with him, and be positive, don't mention anything about the other woman. You would only focus his attention on her. Take care. Louise
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